Young Earnest: The Romance of a Bad Start in LifeCannan, Gilbert
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Young Earnest: The Romance of a Bad Start in Life
Cannan, Gilbert
English fiction -- 20th century
loved her little bare rooms, and if she were allowed to keep them and
the happiness that filled them she asked no more. The brave
independence: that was what René had prized in her, what was expressed
in her room. He had contributed nothing to it but a little comfort, an
easy chair, a few books, and his pleasure in her. He knew that she
treasured that above everything in the world, and he must take it from
her. He was shaken with cowardice and dread and pity--by pity most of
all. That bound him to her, dragged him down. He had not expected it,
so clear had everything seemed in the light of his healthful
experience. And, he knew, pity from him would be to her of all things
the most hateful. He could not shake free of it, and it absorbed him.
He heard her footsteps on the short flight of stairs. He was filled
with a longing to escape. With her hand on the door he lost his head
and fled into the inner room. He heard her go to the fireplace and sit
in the easy-chair. She sat silently brooding. Then she heard him in
the inner room. She had heard that before, and he was never there.
Slowly she came into the inner room, and he could just see her
smoothing the pillows with her hands. She caught the sound of his
breathing and stood stock-still. He could not move. She came toward
him groping with her hands. She touched him.
"Renny, dear."
She was pressed close to him. Her arms went round his neck.
"I knew you'd come back."
He caressed her soothingly, gently, consumed and burning in his pity
for her, and his terror lest she should discover it too suddenly.
He tried to draw her into the outer room, but she clung to him and
kept him in the darkness, forcing him to feel her animal possession of
him and hunger for him. Rage and the desire for self-preservation
thrust back his pity and he carried her back to the outer room.
Then it was some moments before she could recover herself. She stood
giggling and laughing nervously, almost hysterically.
"Renny, dear," she said, "you did say once we'd go off together. I
want to. I want to. I'm sorry I went on working. I oughtn't to have
done that. We ought to have had a house and me looking after it."
"You would have been even more unhappy."
"I'm not unhappy, Renny, dear. You've come back. And there's that
coming----"
("She must be kept off that," he thought.)
"Old Martin's been that kind," she said. "He says he'll see us through
if it's money."
"I can make enough money," he replied, and then stopped, puzzled and
startled by the malicious pleasure that came into her eyes. He leaned
forward the better to see her, for the gas jet was flickering, and she
turned away with a half smile that was exasperatingly silly.
"It isn't money," he said, "and you know it. I've seen Kilner."
She was instantly defiant on that.
"Well, and what had he to say for himself?"
"Nothing you would understand."
"Heuh! Clever, aren't you, you two, when you get your heads together."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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