Young Earnest: The Romance of a Bad Start in LifeCannan, Gilbert
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Young Earnest: The Romance of a Bad Start in Life
Cannan, Gilbert
English fiction -- 20th century
"She must have felt it. Poor little devil! No, I'll not see her. It's
between you two--my rotten picture, Ann's rotten little dream of
happiness, both destroyed. You look like a destroyer, my friend. It's
in your eyes, your gestures, and movements. Absolute purpose, absolute
desire. There's nothing else worth having."
"How absurd you are, Kilner. You turn everything into a picture as
soon as you are interested in it at all. Purpose! I feel like a little
schoolboy who has to interview his headmaster. I felt just the same
once when I had been amusing myself with throwing paper out of the
window. The headmaster saw it, but not the culprit. Then I was away
from school ill, and the whole form got into trouble because no one
would own up."
Kilner shouted with laughter:
"What a picture of the young Fourmy. Doing just what he wanted to do
and evading the consequences by luck. I bet it had all blown over by
the time you got back."
"Oh, yes," said René, "but I confessed, and no one was very annoyed."
He went round to Ann's room with a sinking at his heart. She must be
told, she must be made to understand, and she never would. He felt
immeasurably older than she, responsible for her, and rather helpless.
She was out. He gazed round at the room and was touched by its poverty
and thriftlessness, the cheap little ornaments on the mantelshelf, the
souvenirs of Margate and Southend, the cigarette cards pinned to the
wall, to make, with a mirror, its only ornaments. Here they had sat,
so many evenings, he and she, in a kind of playing at happiness. Here
they had quarreled. Between quarreling and laughing they had spent all
their days, laughing into quarrels, quarreling into tears, and out of
them again laughing: the happy life of the poor, the workers, the
thoughtless, whom no care could subdue, no joy uplift. What a relief
that life had been to him when he had turned from that other life,
where all his qualities were exploited and thought and power of
expression were used only to sneak advantages, and even love and
wedded happiness were valued only as possessions! How it had stripped
him of all arrogance and cupidity of mind! The simple innocence of
those who sell themselves for bread, and know nothing of the business
for which they are used, and more despise than envy the shows in the
production of which more than half their efforts are expended. Ann's
scorn of "ladies," believing them all to be light women, her hatred of
charity organization inspectors (she had routed them more than once
when they meddled with Rita), Insurance Cards, and Old Age Pensions.
She resented being underpaid, but even more she loathed the spirit
which tried to supplement the underpayment with instruction in virtue
made impossible by it, with doles and callous assistance. It had not
escaped her that the motor-cars in the mews cost more to maintain than
the income of any one of the families who lived above them. But she
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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