Her composure,
her satisfaction, her tranquillity fled from her; but how much greater,
more real and true, more penetrating and actual, became her existence
and the world! And all this was produced, not by any great mental
enlightenment, any sudden development of character, but by the simple
fact that two small helpless creatures had been put into her hands and
made absolutely dependent upon her. This was all; but the whole world
could not have been more to Mary. It changed her in every way. She who
had been so rooted in her place, so absorbed in her occupations, would
have relinquished all, had it been necessary, and gone out solitary into
the world for the children. Could there be any office so important, any
trust so precious? This, which sounded like the vulgarest commonplace,
and at the same time most fictitious high-flown sentiment, on the lips
of Mrs. Pennithorne, became all at once, in a moment, the leading
principle of Miss Musgrave’s life.
But she had to undergo various petty inconveniences from the curiosity
of her neighbours, and their anxiety to advise her as to what she should
do in the “trying circumstances.” What could she know about children?
Mrs. Pen, for one, thought it very important to give Miss Musgrave the
benefit of her advice. She made a solemn visit to inspect them, and tell
her what she ought to do. The little boy, she felt sure, was delicate,
and would require a great deal of care; but the thing that troubled Mrs.
Pennithorne the most was that Miss Musgrave could not be persuaded to
put on mourning for her brother’s wife. Notwithstanding that it was, as
Mary pleaded, five years since she died, the vicar’s wife thought that
crape would be a proof that all “misunderstandings” were over, and would
show a Christian feeling. And when she could not make this apparent to
the person principally concerned, she did all she could to impress it
upon her husband, whom she implored to “speak to”--both father and
daughter--on the subject. Most people would have been all the more
particular to put on crape, and to wear it deep, because there had been
“misunderstandings.” “Misunderstandings!” cried Mr. Pen. It was not,
however, he who spoke to Miss Musgrave, but she who spoke to him on this
important subject; and what she said somewhat bewildered the vicar, who
could not fathom her mind in this respect.
“Emily thinks we should put on mourning,” she said. “And, do you know, I
really believe that is the reason that poor John is so much more in my
thoughts?”
“What--the mourning?” the vicar asked faltering.
“_Her_ death. Hitherto the idea of one has been mingled with that of the
other. Now he is just John; everything else has melted away; there is
nothing but himself to think of. He has never been only John before. Do
you know what I mean, Mr. Pen?”
The vicar shook his head. He wondered if this could be a touch of
feminine jealousy, knowing that even Mary was not perfect; and this gave
him a momentary pang.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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