Your Child: Today and Tomorrow: Some Problems for Parents Concerning Punishment, Reasoning, Lies, Ideals and Ambitions, Fear, Work and Play, Imagination, Social Activities, Obedience, Adolescence, Will, Heredity — John Shaqi
Your Child: Today and Tomorrow: Some Problems for Parents Concerning Punishment, Reasoning, Lies, Ideals and Ambitions, Fear, Work and Play, Imagination, Social Activities, Obedience, Adolescence, Will, HeredityGruenberg, Sidonie Matsner
Science
Your Child: Today and Tomorrow: Some Problems for Parents Concerning Punishment, Reasoning, Lies, Ideals and Ambitions, Fear, Work and Play, Imagination, Social Activities, Obedience, Adolescence, Will, Heredity
Gruenberg, Sidonie Matsner
Children
One type of lying that is very irritating and very hard to meet is
that known as prevarication. This consists in telling a part of a
truth, or even a whole truth, in such a way as to convey a false
impression, and is most common at about twelve or thirteen years.
When a child resorts to prevarication he is already old enough to
know the difference between a truthful statement and a false
statement. Indeed, it is when he most keenly realizes this that he
is most likely to prevaricate, for this is but a device by which the
childish mind attempts to achieve an indirect purpose and at the
same time keep his peace with his conscience. It is when he already
has a certain fear of lying, and is not yet thoroughly sincere and
truth-loving, that he will come home from the truant fishing party
and ingeniously tell you that a "friend of Harry's" caught the fish,
instead of saying that he himself did it. His conscience is quite
satisfied with the reflection that he _is_ a friend of Harry's.
In this stage of his career the child is quite capable of
understanding a direct analysis of what is essentially a deception,
and a good heart-to-heart talk that comes to a conclusion is about
the best thing he can get.
I hope you will not think, from what I have said, that I have been
trying to justify lying, or that I do not consider lying a serious
matter; nor, on the other hand, that you will consider a single
application of the remedies suggested sufficient to make any child
truthful. Thoroughgoing truthfulness comes hard and generally comes
late. But for the majority of children truthfulness is attainable,
although it will not be attained without a struggle. The finer
instincts often enough lead to violations of strict veracity; but
they may be made also to strengthen the feeling of scrupulous regard
for the truth.
I have tried to show that what we call a lie is _not_ always a
lie; and that some of the very methods we use in training our
children themselves produce lies. The inflicting of severe
punishments is one of the chief of these, and the most common lie is
that which is due to fear of punishment. Lies that arise from bad
habits should be treated by an attempt to remedy the bad habit. Lies
that arise from ignorance should be treated by attention to
necessary knowledge.
Even more important than the right kind of treatment for
untruthfulness is the necessity for an atmosphere in which the
spirit of truthfulness is all-pervading. Some day watch yourself and
notice how often you tell untruths to your child; how often he hears
you tell so-called "white lies" to your neighbors; how often he
hears you prevaricate and exaggerate. If you will keep track of
these things you will realize that it is a trifle absurd of you to
expect your child to be a strict speaker of the truth. Part of our
campaign against the lies of our children must therefore consist in
our attempt to establish truthful relations among adults, and
between adults and children.
V.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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