BARNEY. I have ambishun like that. Then I could go to the hospittle when the whiskey makes me sick, and be kapin’ out of the fight. (_Trying to see something on Barney’s back, when Barney turns back to the audience. As he does, Hez. says—_) HEZEKIAH. Ye know how to protect yer rear. (_Lifts Barney’s coat tail, and exhibits a black patch as large as a chair bottom, sewed on Barney’s seat._) BARNEY. (_Swelling with rage._) I do that! I’m a jintleman! No blackguard! I poke no fun to make a laugh on a jintleman! Whin a blackguard attacks me reputation, I don’t care what he says! When he puts his dirty hands on my karrackter, I will resint it like a man! I’m an Irishman, and me honor’s me own! I have no cheap words with a blackguard without the iddication of a jintleman! I am no thafe to be spit upon! Come out! Come out! (_Motioning towards R. U. E._) Come out! (_Hez. hands a bottle towards him. Barney catches sight of it as he says—_) Come—(_Breaks down in a broad grin._) What kind er wather is that? HEZEKIAH. Medicine for fits. (_Barney drinks._) Old Deacon Jones took about a quart er that once, by mistake. Said he thought the whole neighborhood was a jewsharp, and he was playin’ on it. BARNEY. ’Pon my word! HEZEKIAH. Know’d of a feller in Shadagy, that was brought up on that. BARNEY. That same? HEZEKIAH. Yes sir. BARNEY. How long was he doin’ that? HEZEKIAH. He grow’d so long they couldn’t tax him when he was twenty-one. BARNEY. How was the blackguard gettin’ by that? HEZEKIAH. They considered the most of him was out er the county. (_Sally enters R. in male attire. Steps between them and their guns. Draws pistol._) SALLY. Cowards! (_Both turn in dismay and take in situation._) BARNEY. The blackguard! SALLY. Prisoners of war, only to die! HEZEKIAH. (_Throwing off coat._) Not if this piece er meat knows itself! (_Turns and meets Sally’s revolver._) SALLY. Halt! (_Hez. stops._) HEZEKIAH. Darn your picter! SALLY. I prefer to take you alive, that you may have the honor to die under the majesty of the law, for connivance with the spies of the enemy! BARNEY. (_Looking at Hez._) The thafe! HEZEKIAH. Who said that? SALLY. The angels were lookin’! HEZEKIAH. You tell him he’s a liar! BARNEY. (_To Hez._) It’s some poor thing that’s crazy from bein’ insane. HEZEKIAH. Yes, we know’ you’re a big ingin. (_Offers her a bottle._) Have some firewater? (_Sally takes and pockets bottle._) SALLY. So has the dignity of my mission been insulted: you shall die now! Cowards, you have two minutes to live! Take off your hats and coats. (_Both comply._) It were unworthy for you to die in the Union blue! One minute more! (_Holds her watch in her hand._) BARNEY. Stop! Will you take two months pay? SALLY. How long shall I be insulted thus? HEZEKIAH. Have you ever bin a father or mother? BARNEY. Yes sir. Have you bin that?