“No, Monsieur Gervase,” she said, “it is not so. I am not one of those
women who take every little idle word said by men in jest _au grand
serieux_! You have always been a kind and courteous friend, and if you
ever fancied you had a warmer feeling for me, as you say, I am sure
you were mistaken. We often delude ourselves in these matters. I wish,
for your sake, I could think the Princess Ziska worthy of the love she
so readily inspires. But,--I cannot! My brother’s infatuation for her
is to me terrible. I feel it will break his heart,--and mine!” A
little half sob caught her breath and interrupted her; she paused, but
presently went on with an effort at calmness: “You talk of our leaving
Egypt; how I wish that were possible! But I spoke to Denzil about it
on the night of the ball, and he was furious with me for the mere
suggestion. It seems like an evil fate.”
“It _is_ an evil fate,” said Gervase gloomily. “_Enfin_, my dear
Helen, we cannot escape from it,--at least, _I_ cannot. But I never
was intended for good things, not even for a lasting love. A lasting
love I feel would bore me. You look amazed; you believe in lasting
love? So do many sweet women. But do you know what symbol I, as an
artist, would employ were I asked to give my idea of Love on my
canvas?”
Helen smiled sadly and shook her head.
“I would paint a glowing flame,” said Gervase dreamily. “A flame
leaping up from the pit of hell to the height of heaven, springing in
darkness, lost in light; and flying into the centre of that flame
should be a white moth--a blind, soft, mad thing with beating,
tremulous wings,--that should be Love! Whirled into the very heart of
the ravening fire,--crushed, shrivelled out of existence in one wild,
rushing rapture--that is what Love must be to me! One cannot prolong
passion over fifty years, more or less, of commonplace routine, as
marriage would have us do. The very notion is absurd. Love is like a
choice wine of exquisite bouquet and intoxicating flavor; it is the
most maddening draught in the world, but you cannot drink it every
day. No, my dear Helen; I am not made for a quiet life,--nor for a
long one, I fancy.”
His voice unconsciously sank into a melancholy tone, and for one
moment Helen’s composure nearly gave way. She loved him as true women
love, with that sublime self-sacrifice which only desires the
happiness of the thing beloved; yet a kind of insensate rage stirred
for once in her gentle soul to think that the mere sight of a strange
woman with dark eyes,--a woman whom no one knew anything about, and
who was by some people deemed a mere adventuress,--should have so
overwhelmed this man whose genius she had deemed superior to fleeting
impressions. Controlling the tears that rose to her eyes and
threatened to fall, she said gently,
“Good-bye, Monsieur Gervase!”
He started as from a reverie.
“Good-bye, Helen! Some day you will think kindly of me again?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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