As the summer waxed and waned, the love for little Zoe grew and
strengthened in the organist's heart. It seemed a kind of possession,
as if a spell had been cast on him; in old times it might have been set
down to witchcraft; and, indeed, it seemed something of the sort to
himself, as if a power he could not resist compelled him to seek out
the child--to think of it, to dream of it, to have it so constantly in
his mind and thoughts, that from there it found its way into his heart.
To us, who know his secret, it may be explained as the tie of blood,
the drawing of a man, in spite of himself, towards his own kith and
kin; blood is thicker than water, and the organist could not reject
this baby grandchild from his natural feelings, though he might from
his house. And beyond and above this explanation, we may account for
it, as we may for most otherwise unaccountable things, as being the
leading of a wise Providence working out a divine purpose.
Perhaps the punishment that was to come to the organist by the hands of
little Zoe--those fat, dimpled, brown hands, that flourished about in
the air so joyously when he whistled a tune to her--began from the very
first, for it was impossible to think of the child without thinking of
the mother, and to look at Zoe without seeing the likeness that his
fond fancy made far plainer than it really was; and to think of the
mother and to see her likeness was to remember that meeting in the
churchyard, and the sad, pleading voice and hollow cough, and the cold
denial he had given, and the beating rain and howling wind of that
dreary night. He grew by degrees to excuse himself to himself, and to
plead that he was taken unawares, and that, if she had not taken his
answer as final, but had followed him to the house, he should certainly
have relented.
And then he went a step further. I think it was one July day, when the
baby had been more than usually gracious to him, and he had ventured,
in Mrs Gray's absence, to lift her out of the cradle and carry her down
the garden path, finding her a heavier weight than when he had first
taken her to the Grays' cottage. She had clapped her hands at a great,
velvet-bodied humble bee; she had nestled her curly head into his neck,
and with the feeling of her soft breath on his cheek he had said to
himself: 'If Edith were to come back now, I would forgive her for the
baby's sake, for Zoe's sake.' He forgot that he had need to be
forgiven too. 'She will come back,' he told himself, 'she will come
back to see the child. She could not be content to hear nothing more
of her baby and never to see her, in spite of what she said. And when
she comes it shall be different, for Zoe's sake.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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