I must try and fill up the other days omitted. Saturday, 30th December, I worked out in the open air at the shawl till half-past three; when, having fully resolved, I took my dress-coat, trousers and waistcoat, and necktie, with a silk cape and brooch of Emma’s; and, putting them into a bag, walked into Hampstead, and took ’bus to New Road, and discovered the abode of old Williams,[98] who used to wash for me; and told him to pawn them, which he did for 10s. I gave him one, at which he stared in awe and respect. Came away 8s. 5d. richer.... 31st.--Sunday. Up latish--worked at the shawl; made up my mind to apply for a Mastership of one of the Government Art-Schools.... 1st January.--Shawl out of doors, and in evening at length wrote the long-deferred much-dreaded application to the humbug Henry Cole, C.B.: it will only be the humiliation for nothing. Afterwards took up the design of _Work_, and enjoyed it--designed the artist[99] in it again, and sundries--2nd.--Up about nine. At eleven took the lay figure out in the yard as usual; but this time laid it down on its side in order to paint the fringe blown by the wind. Doing so disordered the folds. Then it came on to drizzle--then the wind was too high, and blew the fringe so that I could not paint it. After wasting much time I brought the lay figure into my room, and placed it on the table; and after much arrangement painted for about one and a half hour, but it was good. To-day I finished it, and it looks as natural as life. Evening, I worked at the navvies; the pot-boy a triumph, the mortar-man perfection, and the ragged child upsetting the barrow and getting cuffed, all creations, and the whole becoming more and more exciting. Finances reduced again to 6s. 9d.: so we drag on. 4th.--I went to Charles Seddon, and worked at the _Autumn_ piece, which is for the British.... 6th.--... In the evening copied-in the background from the Study at Hampstead into the design of _Work_, so as to get all quite correct.... At it again till twelve to-night. I have been queerish all day; work and worry begin to try me, 4s. 10d. left in pocket.... Cole, C.B., answered me very short, saying a certificate was imperative, and referred me to Burchett.[100] I wrote again to Cole, telling him that, as he knew as much about me as any examiner could, if he thought I could be of use he had better write and let me know, and then I would go through all formalities. Will he answer? Waking up this morning with a bad head, I began to reflect, and at length a lucid idea came as to my prospects. It struck me I was doing very foolishly to let myself down in so many ways, instead of raising money, and going hard at it and conquering. If I do not get a school, I will do it.