Before I launch out into those immense depths of philosophy
which lie before me, I find myself inclined to stop a moment
in my present station, and to ponder that voyage which I have
undertaken, and which undoubtedly requires the utmost art and
industry to be brought to a happy conclusion. Methinks I am
like a man, who, having struck on many shoals, and having
narrowly escaped shipwreck in passing a small frith, has yet
the temerity to put out to sea in the same leaky
weather-beaten vessel, and even carries his ambition so far as
to think of compassing the globe under these disadvantageous
circumstances. My memory of past errors and perplexities makes
me diffident for the future. The wretched condition, weakness,
and disorder of the faculties, I must employ in my inquiries,
increase my apprehensions. And the impossibility of amending
or correcting these faculties, reduces me almost to despair,
and makes me resolve to perish on the barren rock, on which I
am at present, rather than venture myself upon that boundless
ocean which runs out into immensity. This sudden view of my
danger strikes me with melancholy; and, as 'tis usual for that
passion, above all others, to indulge itself, I cannot forbear
feeding my despair with all those desponding reflections which
the present subject furnishes me with in such abundance.
I am first affrighted and confounded with that forlorn
solitude in which I am placed in my philosophy, and fancy
myself some strange uncouth monster, who, not being able to
mingle and unite in society, has been expelled all human
commerce, and left utterly abandoned and disconsolate. Fain
would I run into the crowd for shelter and warmth, but cannot
prevail with myself to mix with such deformity. I call upon
others to join me, in order to make a company apart, but no
one will hearken to me. Every one keeps at a distance, and
dreads that storm which beats upon me from every side. I have
exposed myself to the enmity of all metaphysicians, logicians,
mathematicians, and even theologians; and can I wonder at the
insults I must suffer? I have declared my disapprobation of
their systems; and can I be surprised if they should express a
hatred of mine and of my person? When I look abroad, I foresee
on every side dispute, contradiction, anger, calumny, and
detraction. When I turn my eye inward, I find nothing but
doubt and ignorance. All the world conspires to oppose and
contradict me; though such is my weakness, that I feel all my
opinions loosen and fall of themselves, when unsupported by
the approbation of others. Every step I take is with
hesitation, and every new reflection makes me dread an error
and absurdity in my reasoning.