CHRISTMAS BILLS. (_Mrs. Figgins loquitur._) Merry Christmas and happy New Year! Here's a bundle of "little accounts:" And their bearers left word they'd be glad If you'd settle their little amounts. They've all got "large sums" to "make up," And cannot wait longer, they swear: So I wish you the joys of the season— Merry Christmas and happy New Year! Here's the doctor's—a horrid long bill— And he vows he's as badly as you; For his patients wont pay him a groat, And he's dying of _Tick_ Doloreux. But he says he's consulted a friend, A lawyer that lives very near: So I wish you the joys of the season— Merry Christmas and happy New Year! The surgeon's is not a whit less: At its items I really shiver'd: A hundred for Sally's confinement; A hundred to "Bill delivered." A hundred for mixtures and pills (I think it's uncommonly dear): But I wish you the joys of the season— Merry Christmas and happy New Year! The baker has brought you a roll Which will take you a month to digest: He looks most uncommonly crusty, And says that, of all trades, he's blest If a baker's is not the most _kneady_; And hints at John _Dough_; and I fear— But I wish you the joys of the season, Merry Christmas and happy New Year! The poult'rer his "Game Bill" has brought: This year's—and last year's in addition, Twelve guineas for Black-cock alone, Which I think is a _grouse_ imposition. Ten guineas for pheasants and hares! And he charges his ven'son as _deer_. But I wish you the joys of the season— Merry Christmas and happy New Year! Here's your butcher—the city M.P.— Begs to "_ax_ leave to bring in his _bill_." It takes up six folio pages: Good heavens! it's as long as a will. He says times are quite out of _joint_; And he _must_ have the cash; so, my dear, I wish you the joys of the season— Merry Christmas and happy New Year! Your grocer abuses you _grossly_, Your hatter, and tailor _surtout_; Your saddler's been going on sadly, And your green-grocer looks very blue. The brewer is down in the hall, And wont stir till he's paid for his beer; So I wish you the joys of the season— Merry Christmas and happy New Year!