The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
Without a master!
He must be competent to give an inkling
Of all the sciences that are,
Teaching the name of every star,
Quite in a twinkling.
All those who seek the royal Tutor's place
Must be proficients in each modern grace;
No one need to the office make pretence
Who cannot teach the Prince to sing;
Dance, draw, and all that sort of thing,
And use the foils without offence.
Wanted a Tutor, patient, clever, steady,
With knowledge upon every topic,
Within each hemisphere and tropic,
Like joints at ordinaries, "always ready."
He must be in possession
Of first-rate knowledge,
That can be gleaned from every college,
As well as each profession.
To matters clerical and lay
He must be quite _au fait_.
Army and navy he must comprehend,
To everything his knowledge must extend;
But _nota bene_, by-the-bye,
No lawyer, churchman, soldier, sailor, need apply.
ELECTION CORRESPONDENCE.
_From the Chairman of the Local Committee to the Agent in London._
MY DEAR SIR,
The squibs you sent down have all been circulated, but money is more
wanted. Podger, the butcher, is wavering; being an influential man there
are several who always vote as he does. I am sorry to see his firmness
giving way; but if you send down fifty pounds by return of post, I think
I may be able to strengthen his principles.
Yours, very truly,
PETER PLIANT.
_From the Agent in London to the Local Chairman in the Country._
MY DEAR SIR,
I am sorry that no more money can be sent down; for it is absolutely
necessary to keep the London Committee constantly sitting, which can
only be done by allowing a constant supply of soup, sandwiches, and
sherry. Instead of sending money to you, we had hoped that your local
patriotism would have supplied additional funds to us. I forward a loaf,
borrowed from one of the theatres, where it was used in a pantomime. You
will of course understand that you are to fix it on a pole, marked
"cheap bread," and contrast it with the smallest loaf you can get hold
off, which must be labelled "corn laws."
Yours, sincerely,
J. CRAMWELL.
MAY. [1844.
[Illustration]
THROWN OUT FOR THE CITY.
_From the Chairman of the Local Committee to the
Agent in London._
MY DEAR SIR,
[Illustration:
Demanding a Poll.
]
[Illustration:
Member for Cripplegate.
]