The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
A gentleman was skating in a first floor, and had been several times
warned by artificial ice-man Snooks not to pass over a certain spot, for
it was known there was a large chandelier immediately beneath, the great
heat from which, by thawing the artificial ice, might render it
dangerous. The gentleman, however, persisted; when, following the usual
course, the Humane Society caused ropes to be thrown across from side to
side, which might at all events catch the skates, if not check the
boldness of the skaters. Luckily, the precaution took effect, tripping
the gentleman up, and breaking his fall; when another artificial
ice-man, seeing the danger, resorted to the customary experiment of
placing a ladder immediately over the hole into which the skater had
been plunged. This course is always adopted on natural ice; for, as a
person before drowning is supposed to rise three times, it is desirable
to prolong his chance by preventing him from rising at all—even for the
first time—as long as possible. Unfortunately, there was no boathook at
hand—an instrument found so useful in cases of accident on natural ice,
or it is probable that the individual might have been fished up with the
greatest facility. The gentleman was now immersed in mortar, and,
hanging on by a rafter, presented a complete case of suspended animation
for several minutes. Artificial ice-man Snooks immediately plunged in
among the laths, while the plaster cracked and gave way at every step he
took, in the most frightful manner. He had previously made fast a rope
to a hook in the ceiling above, and the unfortunate individual, who
clung to his preserver, was thus extracted from his perilous position.
The usual remedies were promptly resorted to. He was held up for several
minutes by the heels, to allow the dust and plaster to escape from his
mouth, and was then taken to the receiving-house, where brandy-and-water
were administered in such copious draughts, and with such excellent
effect, that he soon lost all sense of the accident.
[Illustration:
A NEW ART-IF-ICE—Doubly Hazardous.
]
The Society would earnestly recommend the following precautions to all
who are in the habit of resorting to the artificial ice:—
Always select, if possible, a ground floor; and, indeed, from the
specimens of skating exhibited every day by the horses, it would seem
that the wooden pavement is better adapted than anything else to the
purpose of glaciarium. When you feel yourself going into a hole, throw
yourself on your back, when the artificial ice-man will probably dash a
ladder on to your face; and if you can contrive to get your head through
the rounds of the ladder, you are drawn up easily.
Never venture where you see a board with the word "Dangerous." You may
be sure that the Society's men are aware of a hole, which, as they have
made it themselves by sticking up the board, they can have made no
mistake about.