"In ridiculing a science, a man cannot look too deeply into his own head before he declares that there is nothing in it." BEWARE. Beware of a man who travels with a pair of duelling pistols. Beware of a young lady who calls you by your Christian name the first time she meets you. Beware of port at 30_s._ a dozen. Beware of a lodging-house where you are "treated as one of the family." Beware of every "cheap substitute for silver," excepting gold. Beware of cigars that are bought of "a bold smuggler" in the street. Beware of a wife that talks about her "dear husband," and "_that_ beautiful shawl" in her sleep. Beware of a gentleman who is "up" to all the clever tricks, and "knows a dodge or two," at cards. Beware of giving an order to a deaf man on the first night of a new piece. He is sure to laugh and applaud in the wrong places, and so cause a disturbance which may be fatal to the success of your farce. Beware of entering a French shop which has the following inscription:— "HERE THEY SPIKE THE ENGLISH," unless you can speak French very correctly, or are prepared to pay for the consequences. MATRIMONIAL WEATHER TABLE; TO BE HUNG UP IN ALL PANTRIES AND SERVANTS' HALLS. _Constructed by a Butler of twenty-nine years' standing behind his Master's and Missus's chair._ [Illustration] ───────────────────────┬───────────────────────┬─────────────────────── Causes of Change. │ Indications. │ Results and Dreadful │ │ Consequences. ───────────────────────┼───────────────────────┼─────────────────────── Cold meat for dinner │Very Sharp and Cutting;│A visit, directly after │ dead calm; horizon │ dinner, to the club │ very black │ │ │ Money for the │Very Stormy; repeated │The puddings are cut housekeeping: weekly │ thunderstorms about │ off, and the expenses produced │ 10 a.m.; violent │ servants' beer │ explosion at │ │ "Sundries" │ │ │ A proposal to go up the│NNNNNNNO, or │A trip to Ramsgate or Rhine, or to Baden │NNNNNNNO │ Broadstairs, and Baden │ │ master goes down on │ │ Saturdays and returns │ │ on Mondays │ │ Hint of an evening or │Extremely Close: heavy │The old Mr. and Mrs. dinner party │ clouds on master's │ Glumpy are asked to │ brow; gloomy │ dinner, and the