The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
Of course the princess has a father severe,
With a mouth quite extending from ear unto ear;
His head is terrific, and, monstrous surprise,
If you look down his mouth you'll distinguish his eyes.
And as to his voice, if its source you should trace,
You'll find it proceeds from a very odd place—
A sort of incision just under his chin,
Through which he sends forth a most horrible din.
The choice of his daughter he does not approve,
And nothing the heart of the tyrant will move;
The lovers are both to despair giving way,
When of splendid machinery there's a display.
Some clouds from the stage unexpectedly rise,
While a sort of pavilion descends from the flies;
But somehow or other, it seems, in the air,
Their machine always is out of repair;
The clouds make a hitch, and refuse to expand,
Or the flying pavilion is brought to a stand.
The obstacle soon is surmounted, when straight
A fairy appears—the expounder of fate.
She bids the fair lady abandon her gloom,
And the aspect of columbine quickly assume;
At which the princess, being gone to the wing,
Has the whole of her dress dragged away by a string;
Then in petticoats wondrously short she advances,
And gives at the house the most sunny of glances.
To the youth in the spangles the fairy next speaks,
And bids him of harlequin practise the freaks;
The shape he assumes, and attention to win,
His head he sets off in a wonderful spin—
So rapidly twisting and twirling it round,
That we wonder it does not drop off on the ground.
The father and friend are let loose on the town,
As pantaloon one—and the other as clown;
A loud "here we are!" gains a general shout,
Pantaloon says his mother's aware he is out;
And then, 'mid a mutual kicking of shins,
The fun of the pantomime fairly begins.
Of course there's a baker who's robbed by the clown;
Of course there's an image-tray coolly pushed down;
Of course there's a baby crushed flat as a flounder;
Of course there's a lady with pickpockets round her;
Of course there's a pie, and of course (who could doubt of it?)
Directly it's opened, live pigeons fly out of it;
Of course there's a window, and steadfastly view it,
Of course you'll see harlequin neatly jump through it;
Of course there's an uproar, and then, to enrich it,
Of course there's a clamour for "Tippitywitchet;"
Of course it's encored, and, it need not be said,
Of course we're indulged with "Hot Codlins" instead;
Of course they all meet in the Cave of Despair,
And of course no one knows how they ever got there;
And of course the last scene is the Realms of Delight,
And of course there's a hope that you'll come every night;
And of course the kind fairy appears once again,
But why, she of course don't attempt to explain;
Of course she propitiates "all her kind friends."