The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
The curtain then falls, and the pantomime ends.
[Illustration]
CHANGE.
How many minds has Julia got?
'Tis really hard to say;
But she must have a precious lot—
She changes one each day!
[Illustration:
THE UNIVERSAL PHILANTHROPIST.
]
THE UNIVERSAL PHILANTHROPIST.
Philanthropy, how pleasant is thy name!
How often have I sat up half the night
Some panegyric on thee to indite,
Until I've warmed myself into a flame
Enough to melt my heart within my frame.
Yes, on the subject I delight to dwell,
Penning those sentiments that always tell—
Calling on wealth to wear the blush of shame,
Because 'tis sometimes slow to "give, give, give"
The means whereby the famished poor may live.
Philanthropy! thy dictates I obey;
To pay thee homage I shall never cease;
(_To "Poor Man."_)
"Give you a penny! Nonsense! get away;
If you're not off I'll call for the police!"
THE CITY "FAST MAN."
[Illustration: MR.]
[Illustration: M^R.] FADDLE is a distinguished member of the Stock
Exchange, and decidedly one of the "fastest men" in the City. He makes
his appearance in the City at about half-past eleven every day; strolls
about the neighbourhood of the Bank, with his hands in the pockets of
his coat-tails; takes a sandwich at the Auction Mart, or oysters in
Finch Lane; and goes away about three, with the idea that he has been
very busy. We first met him at the Hanover Square Rooms. His dress was
rather peculiar; and at the first glance you said (to yourself), "This
is no common man;" and it is rather singular that the more you knew of
him, the more you became confirmed in that opinion. His coat was very
long in the waist, with singularly capacious sleeves; his neckcloth very
narrow; and his whiskers a triumph of art in the curling line. His
waistcoat was considerably larger than any you ever saw, except on an
ostler; his shirt was embroidered and very transparent, with some pink
substance underneath, that made one fancy he had recently been using the
flesh-brush very vigorously. His trousers were very tight about the
legs; and his boots very tight about the feet. The first remark he made
was on a young lady, who he said was "a good stepper." He next stated
that he had been at the "Corner" all day: on our inquiring where that
was, he said, with a contemptuous look, "Tattersall's, to be sure!" He
then told us that Lord Levant's "Wide Awake" was a likely horse for the
Leger; and said, if we were doing anything on it, we had better not lay
out our money on Captain Spavin's "Flare Up." His next inquiry was if we
knew Tom Spraggs? and upon our answering in the negative, he ejaculated,