[Illustration: RAILWAY PORTRAITS, TAKEN AT THE RATE OF FIFTY MILES AN HOUR. ] EMIGRATION CARRIED TO AN ABSURD EXTENT, OR, [Illustration: WIDDICOMBE SITTING AMONGST THE RUINS OF LONDON. ] * * * * * AN ASYLUM FOR STRANDED PASSENGERS.—The Lowther Arcade has been called the Gents' Umbrella. Might it not also be called the Ladies' Parasol? [Illustration: THE HAUNT OF THE REINDEER. ] THE SYREN AND THE PHILOSOPHER. A MARINE DUET. [Illustration] SYREN. Here beneath the deep blue waters Where the sea-plants twist and curl, And the ocean's loveliest daughters Dwell in palaces of pearl, Come unto me. I've a notion That for those of mortal birth Fairer far must be the ocean Than the dry and stupid earth. PHIL. No, fair Peri; I have lectured On each scientific theme, And propounded, and conjectured— Showed the air-pump, gas, and steam. But, to make my story shorter, I was taught, e'en in my teens, When the nose is under water Suffocation supervenes. SYREN. Golden halls with diamonds dusted Shall rejoice thy wondering eyes. PHIL. No, with barnacles encrusted, There each foundered treasure lies. SYREN. Every costly jewel twinkles In the ocean's caverns green. PHIL. No, there's naught but weeds and winkles On those rocks that I have seen. SYREN. Daintiest food, my mortal lover, I will bring thee with this hand. PHIL. No, I fear I should discover 'Midst the viands too much sand. SYREN. I will love thee well and dearly, Sing thee songs of music rare. PHIL. No, acoustics prove most clearly Sound exists alone in air. SYREN. Sea-born nymphs shall serve your table— Syrens of the fairest mien. PHIL. I assure you 'tis a fable, Mermaids yet have ne'er been seen. One there was in Piccadilly, Half a fish, and half an ape; You must think me very silly To believe in such a shape. SYREN. Horrid science! ever giving Negatives to fancies fair; Yet, if I can't have thee living— Dead, my kingdom you shall share. I will raise the waters o'er thee; See, they rise! you have no boat. PHIL. But I swim away before thee, Furnished with a Patent Float! [Illustration] A LITTLE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM. _Bagman (with his bill)._ "I say, waiter, haven't you charged me as a gentleman?"