The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
"I was quite distracted with the fearful change. I called in the
assistance of the most experienced Italian doll-makers, but their
remedies were unavailing. My little pet gradually got worse, when
mamma's French maid, Smith, persuaded me to apply to my sister's
toilet-table for restoratives. After several applications of
Macassar Oil to her bald head, I cannot tell you how delighted I was
to perceive the hair beginning to grow again. I jumped for joy. I
was quite a little mad thing for the space of ten minutes! But I
persevered, and now (thanks be to that sweet Rowland) her ringlets
are just as beautiful as ever, with this slight difference, that
they are now jet black instead of the light auburn they formerly
were. The little dear looks all the better for the change of hair.
Still its complexion was _so_ very bad, I did not like to take her
out with me into society at all. Smith again, like a good creature,
recommended me to try some of Rowland's Kalydor. I did. I washed the
darling's face with it every morning for a week, and you will
scarcely believe it, but it is no story, when I assure you that my
doll has quite resumed her pristine bloom, and is now as pure and as
lovely as ever. But her eyes pained me the most, so I made bold to
ask Sir John Sheepshanks, who never travels without Holloway's
Ointment, to oblige me with a little bit. He gave me as much as
would cover your tongue, and, before putting her to bed, I placed it
over her eyelids, and the next morning gave her a good pinch of
Grimstone's Eye Snuff, when, upon pulling the strings, will you
credit me on my word, my dearest Araminta, when I inform you that
her eyelids opened and shut just as well as when my dear papa gave
me the beautiful doll on my birthday. I was going to give her a
small box (price 11_s._) of Parr's Life Pills, but Smith assured me
she would probably come _alive_, and I was frightened, as we have no
nurserymaid here to attend to her. My doll is now quite a new
creature, and I should advise you, Minta dearest, to try the same
remedies, if ever you find yours looking faint, or losing her
colour, or growing old.
"_Toute à toi, mia amica cara_ Minta,
"AMELIA.
"I forgot to tell you, that my sweet pet also lost her voice from
catching cold rather late one night at the Opera. I gave her half a
dozen of Stolberg's Voice Lozenges, and now she says 'Pa' and 'Ma'
more distinctly than ever. You recollect, too, her voice was a deep
baritone. It has changed to the most beautiful falsetto! Isn't it
wonderful?"
[Illustration:
"THE HUM OF MEN."
]
HOW STARS ARE DISCOVERED.