it. I remain, sir, at my hotel (the "Two Magpies"), till my cruel good-for-nothing lord and master chooses to come and fetch me. Yours, _in despair_, crying my eyes out, AN INNOCENT, LOVING, BUT SHAMEFULLY SUSPECTED WIFE, AND MOTHER OF SIX LOVELY CHILDREN. P.S.—Oh! sir, my husband has just been here, and tells me it was only meant as a joke—a pretty joke, indeed!—and that, as Hamlet says, he was only "_pisening_ in jest," for how could he help suspecting, when I gave him nothing but pies—beafsteak pies, eel pies, giblet pies, quince, and mince, and all sorts of pies—but that I regularly wanted to _pisen_ him! D'ye see—_pies_ and _pise_ning? I never heard such a joke! How men can make such donkeys of themselves I don't know! But I couldn't well be angry with the silly fellow, for he has brought me _such_ a beautiful shawl; and I need not tell you, sir, that in matrimony a lovely Cashmere hides a multitude of faults. [Illustration: ONE WHO HAS A FINGER IN EVERYBODY'S PIE. ] * * * * * TEETOTALER'S TOAST.—"The worm of the still—may it soon be a still worm!" A CRITIC.—A man who judges an author's works by the "errata." VANITY.—There is not a mite in the world (says Lavater), but that thinks itself "quite the cheese." FRIGHTFUL STATE OF THINGS, IF FEMALE AGITATION IS ALLOWED ONLY FOR A MINUTE. [Illustration] The standard of rebellion is first raised at a fashionable tea-party. [Illustration] The rebels rush into the street, break open the public houses, and ask the men if they are not ashamed of themselves to be sitting there, whilst their poor dear wives are crying their eyes out at home? Clubs are put down and a Petticoat Government proclaimed. [Illustration] Armed patrols parade the streets, and take up every good-for-nothing husband that is found out after nine o'clock. Total abolition of latch-keys. All men proved to be "brutes," are taken to business in the morning by the Nurse, and fetched home at night by the Cook. [Illustration: Those who offer the slightest resistance are put to mend their wives' stockings. ] [Illustration: The greatest reprobates are sentenced to sit up for their dear wives. ] [Illustration: _The Happy Family._ "A Quiet Hint to the Wives of England" ] [Illustration] The Lords of Creation are driven to the greatest extremities to enjoy a quiet pipe. But if detected, they are immediately made public examples of, by being sent out to air the babies. [Illustration] Those who resist the strong arm of the sex are immediately sent to the House of Correction, and put for fourteen days upon dirty linen. [Illustration] If detected a second time, they are sentenced to a month's imprisonment, and hard labour at the mangle.