The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
The most refractory are condemned to cold meat for life, without benefit
of pickles.
[Illustration]
The heartless ringleader is loaded with irons.
A member of the Royal Family only saves himself with a fine of twelve
dozen bright pokers, and an Exchequer bond for one hundred steel
fenders!
[Illustration]
But human patience can endure it no longer, and the poor convicts
endeavour to elude the vigilance of the watch, by smuggling themselves
out amongst the clean linen.
[Illustration]
The secret, however, is accidentally divulged by a criminal of great
weight, who drops through the fragile clothes-basket.
[Illustration]
The wretched criminals are carried away by the overpowering force of
"Woman's Mission," and their precipitate folly only ends in their being
floored at the bottom of the stairs, where, in aching shame, they lie
and bite the dust.
Five thousand helpless husbands, whose only crime is their unfortunate
sex, are incarcerated in the Thames Tunnel!
Not a glass of grog, or a newspaper, or a cigar is allowed them!!
Hundreds perish daily for the want of the common necessaries of life!!!
The Black Hole is beaten hollow!!!!
[Illustration]
Frightful rush, and tremendous overflow in the Thames Tunnel, through an
insane attempt of the Boy Jones to escape by the roof!!!!!
[Illustration]
Those who are not drowned, go mad.
An armistice takes place between the opposing bodies. A member of the
Coburg family offers his hand to Mrs. Gamp, but is indignantly rejected
by the lovely widow.
The body of the "oldest inhabitant" is found at Herne Bay, where it is
supposed he emigrated for safety.
_There is not a single man left_, excepting the Man in the Moon.
The ladies, being left to themselves, proceed to discuss their wrongs,
when, after several years' arguments, the world is graced with
[Illustration:
THE FEMALE MILLENNIUM.
]
This continues thirty years, when the argument is decided at length in
favour of
[Illustration:
THE LAST WOMAN,
]
Who compodges herself in honour of the occasion a nice dish of tea, and
after propodging a toast to the memory of that blessed creature Mrs.
Harris dies universally "regretted" on the throne of Buckingham Palace.
* * * * *
[Illustration]
Richardson's ghost makes his last appearance at Greenwich Fair!!!
* * * * *
THE END OF THE WORLD!
AND OF
THE COMIC ALMANACK.
READER, YOU ARE REQUESTED TO DROP A TEAR!!!
* * * * *
TWO LITTLE CUTS THROWN IN.
[Illustration:
THE NIGHTINGALE'S
JUG-JUG.
PORTRAIT OF A YOUNG GENTLEMAN AFTER DINNER ON CHRISTMAS DAY.
]
_Au revoir._
We meet again in 1850.
[Illustration: