There never yet was a marriage that was not a perfect St. Swithin affair. No one—unless he has a soul of gutta-percha, thoroughly waterproof—should think of going to a wedding with less than two pocket-handkerchiefs; and, even then, a sponge is better adapted to the "joyful occasion." Men take wives as they do pills, with plenty of water—excepting, indeed, when the "little things" are well gilt. If a kind of matrimonial barometer were kept in each family, and its daily indications as to the state of the weather at the fireside accurately registered, we have no doubt that on the average being taken the following results would be arrived at— BEFORE MARRIAGE _Fair_. DURING MARRIAGE _Wet_. AFTER MARRIAGE _Stormy_. Meteorologically speaking, it would be highly interesting could we arrive at a knowledge of the exact amount of "doo" prevailing during courtship. Nobody can feel more truly wretched than on the happiest day of his life. A wedding is even more melancholy than a funeral. The bride weeps for everything and nothing. At first she's heart-broken because she's about to leave her Ma and Pa; then, because she hopes and trusts Chawles will always love her; and, when no other excuse is left, she bursts into tears because she's afraid he will not bring the ring with him. Mamma, too, is determined to cry for the least thing. Her dear girl is going away, and she is certain something dreadful is about to happen; and goodness gracious! she's forgotten to lock the dining-room door, with all the wine and plate on the table, and three strange greengrocers in the house. At church the water is laid on at _eye_-service; indeed, the whole party look so wretched, no one would imagine there was a "happy pair" among them. When Papa gives away his darling child, he does it with as many sobs as if he were handing her over to the fiercest Polygamist since Henry the Eighth—instead of bestowing her upon one who loves his "lamb," regardless of the "mint" sauce that accompanies her. The bridegroom snivels, either because crying's catching, or because he thinks he ought, for decency's sake, to appear deeply moved; and the half-dozen bridesmaids are sure to be all weeping, because everybody else weeps. [Illustration: _The Happiest moment of my life_—— ]