The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
Oh! can it be ever with reason pretended
That civilization's beneficent lights
Have not to the dogs in the country extended,
Which makes them unfit for political rights?
Oh! is there no ear in the House will be harking
To all the complaints which with justice are made?
Oh! where are the members of Houndsditch and Barking?
By them are the dogs of the country betrayed.
FACTS WORTH REMEMBERING.
IN JANUARY.—That on the 8th, fire insurance policies must be attended
to; and that, although honesty is the best policy, it will not be
available in case of fire.
IN FEBRUARY.—That, on the 7th, Dr. Maskelyne died; but as we do not know
how to pronounce an opinion on this Maskelyne, it is better for us to
remain neuter.
[Illustration:
DOG-DAYS—Legislation going to the Dogs.
]
IN MARCH.—That the month is a stormy one at sea, causing leaks in ships;
and that, on the 1st, being St. David's day, leeks are worn in the hat
by Welshmen.
IN APRIL.—That the assessed-tax papers are delivered early in the month;
and that not even the vainest of us is then disposed to overrate
himself.
IN MAY.—That, on the 14th, vaccination was first used, in 1796; and
that, while it saved many from being pitted with the smallpox, the
invention itself may be pitted against any other.
JUNE.—That the sun is before the clock on the 7th, which may be remedied
by putting the clock before the sun. _Mem._—It will do no good to place
it before the fire.
JULY.—That the days decrease in the course of the month; and that on the
5th of July, 1830, Algiers lost a Dey altogether.
AUGUST.—That Napoleon was born on the 15th, and Andrew Marvel on the
16th, but that the former was really a greater marvel than the latter.
SEPTEMBER.—Your grapes will now begin to want looking after. If you do
not bag them yourself, and your vine happens to be in an exposed
situation, you may expect that some one will come and bag them for you.
OCTOBER.—That melons can only be raised in hot beds; and, of course, the
hotter the bed the better the melons. Some fruit-gardeners recommend a
layer of cinders; but red-hot ashes, enclosed in a warming-pan, will
heat your bed quicker than anything. It is usual to cover the bed over
with a frame, with panes of glass in it; a good thick counterpane would
perhaps be more effective.
NOVEMBER.—That the 5th is Guy Fawkes' day, which is commemorative of an
attempted blow up; and that the 9th is Lord Mayor's day, which is
devoted to an annual blow out.
DECEMBER.—That the close of the year is the proper time to begin a
system of keeping accounts, for you will have plenty of accounts sent in
to enable you to commence keeping them.
[Illustration:
Drawing an Audience,—Rogue-ation Sunday.
]
NOVEMBER. [1844.
[Illustration]