The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
The boy (for he was but fourteen years of age), on being questioned,
expressed a wish to change his mode of living, and he was brought home
to me. When my husband told me what motives he had in taking charge of
the lad, I must confess that in the impulse of the moment I thought it a
worthy thing to do; for in my innocence I imagined that all thieves
merely wanted some one to take them by the hand to put them in the way
of getting an honest living.
In the evening we talked over a variety of plans for the boy's
reformation. He was to be sent to school and well educated. There were
many good men to be found, we were convinced, that would feel proud to
take charge of him; and when he left school we were to put him to some
trade or other. I really believe, in our own minds, we imagined that we
should live to see him a great man! Who knew but that he might one day
be Lord Mayor of London; stranger things than that, we both agreed, had
occurred to poor boys. That he would ever return to his evil practices
appeared to us impossible, if we would but look upon him as the good
member of society that we wished him to become.
Little, alas! did we then know of the annoyance and trouble our "Pet
Thief" would cause us!
The appearance of the poor shoeless creature was anything but
prepossessing. His cheek-bones were high; his hair was cut close on the
top, with a fringe of locks, as it were, left hanging in front; and he
wore an old plaid shooting-jacket, that was black and shining with
grease, and fastened together with pieces of string.
The first thing to be done was to make him take a bath. He had a great
horror of washing, and seemed to look upon it as quite a barbarism. Some
clothes were got together by subscription among the members of the
family—one contributing a coat, another a pair of boots, and so on; but
he looked, I think, worse in our things than he did in his own. The coat
reached his heels, and was so large (my husband being corpulent) that
the boy had difficulty in keeping in it.
We arranged that he should sleep out of the house, so we hired a bedroom
for him at a coffee-shop in the neighbourhood. I thought I could find
him work in the house by day, and so keep him employed under our own
eyes, and prevent his returning to his old practices and companions
until we could get him into some school. He was so eager to begin
learning, however, that I offered to teach him myself while we were
seeking a proper master for him.
For a day or two he was quite a "pattern boy;" but he soon got tired of
his lessons with me, and was anxious to be placed at school. Anything
for change: his disposition and previous mode of life forbade his
remaining in one place, or at the same occupation, for any length of
time.