The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
The third morning after his coming to us, while we were at breakfast,
"Dan" entered the room, and requested, in a most mysterious manner, to
speak with my husband. He was told that he was quite at liberty to
communicate what he had to say before the family; but he pointed to me,
and replied, "I don't want to speak afore _her_," so I quitted the
apartment. As soon as I had gone, the boy told my husband that he _must_
get him to buy him a small-tooth comb; his head was in such a dreadful
state, he said, that he thought he had better have one directly. When my
husband informed me of the object of the mysterious visit, I felt cold
all over; for I remembered how close I had sat to him during his lessons
the previous day. Then I thought of the children, and began to repent of
ever having admitted such a person into the house.
But this was only the beginning of my annoyances with the boy. My
husband thought it would be a good "moral lesson" for our children to
let them know that "Dan" had been a thief, and that he had been in
prison a great many times; but that he had resolved to become a good
boy, and that was our reason for having him with us. This, however,
instead of having the effect intended, made the children look upon "Dan"
as an object of great interest, so much so, indeed, that they were
always wanting, whenever they saw him, to ask him something about the
prison, "whether the policeman had really taken him away, and whether it
was true he had only bread and water in gaol?"
One morning, on going downstairs, I discovered (to my great horror) our
little boy, with his mouth wide open, seated on "Dan's" knee, listening
most attentively to some story. Upon questioning the child I found that
our "pet pickpocket" had been telling the little fellow of the fun it
was to go "sawney hunting," which I afterwards learnt was stealing
pieces of bacon from shop doors.
The Sunday evening after this the cook, who was naturally timid, had
been left at home with Dan alone, it being the other maid's "Sunday
out." They were both sitting very comfortably talking by the fire-light
(for it was winter time) when Master Dan thought fit to tell the girl
all about his previous life. He gave her some very vivid illustrations
of housebreakings and informed her that Sunday night, when the family
had gone to church, was their best time. He also told her of the many
times that he had been in Newgate, and that once he had been taken up on
"suspicion" of highway robbery; it was an old woman he helped to rob,
and he told of the "lark" they had with her, and of how they had left
her with her hands and feet tied together in a ditch.