The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
All these stories so terrified the poor girl that she felt convinced
that the boy meant to take advantage of the tranquillity of that Sunday
evening, "their best time," to serve her as he had done the "old woman;"
so she rushed to the street door in her fright, and there we found her
on our return home, crying and in a dreadful state of excitement. She
vowed that she would quit the house the very next morning, and she
wondered how we could leave her with a "common pickpocket." I tried to
quiet her (for she was a very good girl, and I did not wish to part with
her), by telling her that we wished to reform the lad; but nothing would
pacify her save his leaving the house; so I told my husband that he must
really find a school for the boy, or we should be left without servants.
He accordingly went in search of a school. It was wonderful to see how
anxious the masters were to have the youth, until my husband informed
them (for it was considered but right to do so), that the boy he wished
to introduce to them as a pupil had lately been an inmate of Newgate. On
hearing this they invariably assured him that there was a school "just
up the street" that was the very thing he wanted. Upon visiting the
establishment "just up the street," however, he found the master was
astonished that the "head" of such a school as the previous one should
refer my husband to him, for he was sure that Mr. ——'s school was the
very place for such boys—nevertheless, as Mr. —— had refused to take the
lad, there was an academy a short distance from that establishment that,
he was sure, would not shut their doors against him. But upon going
there it was the old story over again, and we soon discovered that it
was impossible to find any respectable establishment willing to take
charge of our young thief.
We were at last obliged to give up all idea of getting him into any
school, so we thought the best thing to be done was to try and find him
a situation. In the meantime he got tired of the work he was directed to
do, and would sit all day long looking at the fire without taking the
least notice of any one; and if told that he should occupy himself in
some way or other, he would turn sullen, and mutter something between
his teeth about his being promised to be put to school, and why wasn't
he sent to school when that was all he wanted?
I found that my meat began to disappear in a most mysterious manner. One
day the half of a goose went no one knew where. I suspected "Dan;" my
husband was indignant (for he wished to think the boy had forgotten his
bad habits), and said, "It was easy for the servants to make out that
Dan had purloined it." This annoyed me so much that I did not hesitate
to tell my husband that I saw clearly we should have no peace in the
house until the boy was provided with a situation out of it.