The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
_The Peace Society—or a New "Field of Action" for the Military ... in
"The good time coming." (?)_
]
THE BATTLE OF THE HARVEST FIELD.
A brilliant victory has just been achieved by the troops of General
Concord, Commander-in-Sheaf over a formidable field—not, however, of
artillery, but of wheat. The enemy—_i.e._, the wheat, was very thickly
planted on the ground, there being hardly room, indeed, amongst the
heads for the insertion of another ear; and upon the approach of General
Concord and his forces, immediate measures were taken for the attack.
The Commander-in-Sheaf drew up his army in three lines: the first
consisting of several brigades of the gallant Sickle-eers, supported by
flanking parties of the Reaping-hook Light Bobs, and a strong detachment
of regular and irregular Rakers. Behind, and designed to support this
division, were the two celebrated brigades of Light and Heavy Binders.
In the rear were disposed a powerful body of the Royal Horse Harvest
Wagoneers. Scattered bodies of Foot Gleaners were dispersed here and
there, and the refreshment of the forces was amply provided for by a
perfect battalion of suttlers and vivandières, who, with the most cool
and heroic courage, penetrated into those parts of the field where the
enemy was falling fastest, with eatables and drinkables for the forces.
So certain, also, was the Commander-in-Sheaf of victory, that he caused
hospital accommodation, in the shape of barns and granaries, to be
erected for the cut-down masses of the enemy, who were conveyed thither
by the gallant Wagoneers.
The battle commenced at sunrise, by a combined attack from the
Sickle-eers and Reaping-hook Light Bobs. The effect was tremendous. The
enemy could not stand a moment before the sweep of our forces, who
penetrated slowly but surely into their dense ranks, mowing them down by
thousands. All this time the Light and Heavy Binders supported their
comrades with the greatest efficiency and effect; and the Rakers,
regular and irregular, performed prodigies of valour. Indeed, the
coolness of the troops, in one sense was as remarkable as their heat in
another. Every movement was performed with unflinching steadiness, and
not a man fell (by tripping over a rake) but his comrade stepped into
his place (until he got up again). The Binders also distinguished
themselves by their discipline; and the order, "Form Sheafs! Prepare to
receive Harvest Carts!" was regularly obeyed with splendid promptitude.
The fate of the day became speedily evident. The Corn made no resistance
worth mentioning, but it certainly stood up with great pluck to be cut
down; and by the direction of the Commander-in-Sheaf, was carried to the
receptacles provided for the disposal of a brave enemy, with all the
honours of the harvest field.