_The Waitress at a Restaurateur's, or elsewhere._ "Mary, my love, my only angel, come here;" "Sarah, my darling, what's good for my complaint?" "Jane's very sweet upon me, ain't you, Jane?" _A Box-keeper._ "Here, Pew-opener." _A Pew-opener._ "Here, Box-keeper." _All sorts and conditions of Men._ In any manner in which a gentleman would not address them. THE TRUE HISTORY OF THE KOH-I-NOOR. _Now for the first time made public, in spite of the most lavish offers to the Author from Her Majesty's Government._ The Koh-i-noor is made of the very best crown glass, and the workmanship is very superior. It was originally a chandelier ornament in a dancing school kept by a Mr. Fogrum at Ponder's End, about the middle of last century. Mr. Fogrum, however, growing serious, turned his dancing-school into a Newlight chapel, and preached a charity sermon in behalf of himself. That night two rascals determined to rob the chapel of the collection, and accordingly opened the door with a one-pronged fork, and got in. Finding, however, that the collection consisted only of a penny token, a card counter, a penny farthing, and a bad half-crown, one of them, under the impulse of vexation, jerked the half-crown into the air, when it struck down the Koh-i-Noor from the chandelier—the would-be thief putting the bit of glass into his pocket as a memento of the transaction. The next day William Priggins, for so was he named, enlisted in the H.E.I.C.'s service, and presently joined his regiment, the 007th, at Juggerbadab. Not liking the service, however, he deserted, blacked himself all over, gave up wearing clothes, and set up as a Thug. After doing a good stroke of business in this new line, he was ultimately apprehended by the officers of the Rajah Jibbety-Jibbety, and, to save his life, offered to give up the Koh-i-Noor, which he told the Rajah he had stolen out of a pawnbroker's shop in Whitechapel. The Rajah was at the time in pecuniary difficulties—so much so, as to have serious notions of coming to London and taking a crossing, or singing Hindostanee lyrics, with a tum-tum and his heir-apparent, in the streets. Being a statesman of great acuteness and foresight, however, he saw that something handsome might be made of the Koh-i-Noor, and, in the first place, christened it by that name, it having been formerly called "Bit-o'-Glass". In the Rajah's capital, the city of Huggerymug, resided a jeweller of enormous wealth, called Tiffin Gong. This man the Rajah caused to be summoned before him. "What is the value of this inestimable diamond?" he demanded, showing him the Koh-i-Noor. Tiffin Gong made his salaam, and after looking at it, replied, "May the Rajah live for ever, and until the middle of the week after. The value is eighteen pice," which amounts to three farthings English money.