The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
A charming songster of this species warbled its nightly music from a
high tree in the corner of my garden. It generally began its jug-jug
just after sundown, when it distinctly whistled the bass solo, "Now
nurse and child are fast asleep," from _Guy Mannering_. The formation of
the larynx prevented the lower notes from coming out with full effect,
but the performance, in other respects, was perfect. Truth, however,
compels me to add, that the bird did not, as has been asserted, whistle
the words. The same nightingale, when he saw over the garden wall a
gentleman staggering along, after a convivial party, used to whistle "We
wont go home till morning," with great glee. I only observed it make a
change once, when the air selected was, "Jolly companions every one."—
_William Kiddy, in the Gardeners' Journal._
* * * * *
THE HEIGHT OF IMPUDENCE.—Stopping a railway train to ask the Guard what
o'clock it is.
THE GOLDEN AGE COMING.
(_From the Sydney Morning Herald, 25th December, 1861._)
This colony is a remarkable colony. The ancient gentleman (we forget his
name, and there isn't a Lemprière nearer than Cochin China), who turned
everything he touched to gold, must have called here on his way to
Hades. Gold, gold, nothing but gold. Let us calmly review what Australia
has done since Christmas, 1851.
Although she has separated from the mother country, it was not in anger,
but only as a rich child's establishment is naturally apart from that of
poor parents. We did not neglect Old England; we paid off her national
debt, and we deposited in the hands of trustees (the Emperor Jullien I.,
King Abbott-Lawrence, and Sultan Abd-el-Kadr) a sufficient sum to render
taxes in England unnecessary for two hundred years. Having thus done our
duty as a child, we leave the old lady to amuse herself her own way. But
we shall not forget her, and each Christmas we shall delight in
presenting her with a new Fleet, a box of palaces, or some other tribute
of affection.
We laid down the Cape and Algiers Railway, as also that from Gibraltar
to St. Petersburgh, and the eighty thousand miles of line in India. We
cut through the Isthmuses of Suez and Panama, and lengthened the grand
canal of Venice to the Black Sea.
We bought up all the opera singers in the world at their own price (the
largest drain our exchequer has known), and we founded the Australian
Opera. Meyerbeer received 100,000_l._ for his opening work—_Le
Kangaroo_, and the "Hopping Chorus" is worth the money.
We arranged a financial system for ourselves, the leading feature of
which was, that there should be no fractions, no change, no bargaining
(this nearly drove the women out of the colony), and no tick. The lowest
price of anything was to be a guinea.