The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
An electrical agent, an over-ripe pear, a wooden leg, Mr. Dickens' best
novel, half a dragon, a scapegrace, a young frog, an easy-chair, a
French divine, a celebrated map, part of a lady's dress, a London club,
and the sixth of a Knight of the Garter. The initials describe what the
reader is, the finals what he may be if he likes, and the middle letter
what he can never be, though his father was, and his child must be.
LILLY.
ANOTHER.
A man, a can, a fan, Ann, to scan, a plan—their equivalents represent
the four elements in agitation, and spelt backwards, describe the most
pleasing object in the Great Exhibition. Omitting Ann and the fan, the
equivalents prophesy what theatre will next be burned down.
INGENIOUS MARY.
ARITHMETICAL PUZZLE.
I am engaged to a young lady, who will not tell me her age, but says
that if I measure her arm (which is a very pretty one) above the elbow,
and multiply the number of inches by the number of the Royal Family (in
1851), and then divide by the number of perfection, I shall discover her
age. As I know a shorter way, I hand over the puzzle to my readers.
JUNIUS.
CONUNDRUMS.
I.
What is that which if you stamp upon it, appears above your head, and if
you blow upon it, vanishes?
II.
Why is the late Lord Mayor like the Crystal Fountain?
III.
Why must John Knox have been the last man in the world to eat a lobster?
IV.
Why is the Earl of Zetland (the Grand Freemason of England), when he
wears a waistcoat which his family think unbecoming to him, like a
postage stamp from which the adhesive stuff has been licked off by a
tortoiseshell kitten?
V.
If you went through the Lowther Arcade in company with the inventor of
the Marine Telegraph, and saw an old lady's back hair coming down, why
would you be obliged to ask him to tell her of it in Arabic or Chinese?
VI.
If Peeping Tom of Coventry were to put on the Bloomer Costume, and be
carried in a sedan chair, by two black men, from the Marble Arch to the
Menai Bridge, why would he resemble Mr. Macaulay, on a snowy day, and
with an achromatic telescope in his left hand, taking shelter about
eleven o'clock in a pastrycook's shop anywhere in the City?
DESDEMONA B.
ANAGRAMS.
_Names of Politicians._|
Confidence shaken. Ah!
He made a mull.
Terms—give place.
Trusted, time past. Yes.