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The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi

The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities

David Hume · en

It seems a profanation quite,
                 That all the sentimental touches
               Which lovers hit on when they write,
                 Should be within a postman's clutches.

               Must the affections of the heart,
                 To trade with which no lover fancies,
               Be then degraded to a part
                 Of England's national finances?

               Must all that love has fondly said,
                 Freely, with no reserve to cramp it,
               Require a little square Queen's head
                 To give it currency and stamp it?

               Must sentiment extremely fine
                 Be down the area rudely cast;
               The postman bawling, "Valentine!"
                 While in the act of going past?

               But love will lay the highest low,
                 Make some, despairing, seek the river
               To drown themselves; while many a beau
                 At sight of Cupid's dart will quiver.


                       SENTIMENTS FOR THE STAGE.


                           FOR A BRITISH TAR.

The lubber who would strike a lovely woman in distress is unworthy of
the name of T. P. Cooke.


                           FOR A PRIMA DONNA.

Ah, Ferdinand! when treading the field of battle, when reaping laurels
for thy noble brow; when in the hour of triumph or of revelry, thou art
far from her who loves thee, still thou wilt think of Carolina, and
madly recollect, "She wore a wreath of roses." _Sings_—

                     "She wore a wreath of roses."


                   FOR LORD COLLINGWOOD AT ASTLEY'S.

Go, tell Admiral Tomkins to spare no time in bringing the enemy's ships
to surrender! Go, tell Ensign Sir Hildebrand Smith instantly to board
the 90-gun frigate; and let the memorable words of our noble admiral
ring with electric shouts through the entire British fleet, that
"England expects every man this day will do his duty."


                    FOR A HEROINE OF DOMESTIC DRAMA.

Take thy gold, base lord, and know that the heart which truly loves,
though beating in the humble breast of a housemaid, would sooner die on
the rack of the Inquisition first, than wear the velvet robe of infamy.
From my heart I spurn you.—[_Throws purse at his feet._]


                         FOR A GENEROUS BROKER.

Come dry up your tears, Missus; and as long as I have a crust, or a
roof, in the house, you are welcome to share it with me—for the man who
is not affected when a lovely woman cries is a heartless wretch, who
deserves to walk through life branded with infamy.


                   FOR A CONSCIENCE-STRICKEN STEWARD.