The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
"Being desirous of avoiding any feeling of partiality or prejudice, I
determined not to be satisfied with a mere examination of the stores,
which must constitute the true strength of a nation's marine; and I
resolved to see her vessels afloat on the Thames, for which purpose I
made for the river. I made directly for Hungerford, one of her richest
ports, and found a considerable fleet of steamers, several of which were
manned, and at work, so that I could well judge of their capabilities.
They seemed for the most part well officered, but there appeared a want
of enthusiasm among the men; and a great deal of quarrelling went on
among the various captains, which proves that the British navy is not in
that state of union which the English flag—the _Jean d'Amitie_, or Union
Jack—is emblematical of.
"Determined to give a fair trial to the merits of the British marine, I
asked of the perfidious Britons themselves which was the best boat, and
each began vociferating loudly the praises of the vessels before me, on
the deck of one of which, _L'Homme pas marié_ (the _Bachelor_), I soon
found myself. She had no guns with her, and when I asked the captain
where they were, he laughed in my face, knowing, of course that the
French Cabinet would submit to any humiliation rather than undertake a
war with his, the captain of the _Bachelor's_, Government. At Chelsea,
which is to London what Havre is to us, there was a flotilla of two
vessels, and there was a great deal of small craft lying about, which as
I passed appeared to assume an insolent attitude. On leaving the vessel
I was made to produce a portion of the ship's papers, which I had been
made to hold in my possession, and pay fourpence for before I was
permitted even to embark on board the vessel. If England still avoids a
war it is not the superiority of her craft, which is wretched enough,
but it is something more than her craft—it is her astounding cunning."
QUARTER DAY.
(_Communicated by the late Capt. Herbert Reginald De Courcy._)
In some remote parts of England there exists an absurd notion, that
tenants are bound by some obsolete law to pay rent four times a year. As
I always entertained very opposite opinions on matters of Dr. and Cr. to
the mercantile portion of my fellow-creatures (having entered the army
at the early age of sixteen), I was preparing on the 25th of June, 18—,
to avail myself of the loveliest moonlight night that I ever witnessed,
to transport the few valuables that several years of half-pay had left
me, when I was presented with a short note from the sheriff of
Middlesex, in which the worthy functionary expressed a strong desire to
avail himself of any trifles I might possess to the amount of 48_l._
9_s._ 6_d._