"High time to begin, then; no wonder you're so ill. Well, if you won't, I'll make you--" And taking my head under his arm, he seized me by the nose, while another poured the liquor down my throat--and certainly it revived me at once. A drunken drab pulled another drunken, drab off the settle to make room for the "poor young man"; and I sat there with a confused notion that something strange and dreadful had happened to me, while the party drained their respective quarts of porter, and talked over the last boat-race with the Leander. "Now then, gen'l'men," said the policeman, 'if you think he's recovered, we'll take him home to his mother; she ought for to take him in, surely." "Yes, if she has as much heart in her as a dried walnut." But I resisted stoutly; though I longed to vindicate my mother's affection, yet I could not face her. I entreated to be taken to the station-house; threatened, in my desperation, to break the bar glasses, which, like Doll Tearsheet's abuse, only elicited from the policeman a solemn "Very well"; and under the unwonted excitement of the brandy, struggled so fiercely, and talked so incoherently, that the medical students interfered. "We shall have this fellow in phrenitis, or laryngitis, or dothenenteritis, or some other itis, before long, if he's aggravated." "And whichever it is, it'll kill him. He has no more stamina left than a yard of pump water." "I should consider him chargeable to the parish," suggested the bar-keeper. "Exactually so, my Solomon of licensed victuallers. Get a workhouse order for him, Costello." "And I should consider, also, sir," said the licensed victualler, with increased importance, "having been a guardian myself, and knowing the hact, as the parish couldn't refuse, because they're in power to recover all hexpenses out of his mother." "To be sure; it's all the unnatural old witch's fault." "No, it is not," said I, faintly. "Wait till your opinion's asked, young'un. Go kick up the authorities, policeman." "Now, I'll just tell you how that'll work, gemmen," answered the policeman, solemnly. "I goes to the overseer--werry good sort o' man--but he's in bed. I knocks for half an hour. He puts his nightcap out o' windy, and sends me to the relieving-officer. Werry good sort o' man he too; but he's in bed. I knocks for another half-hour. He puts his nightcap out o' windy--sends me to the medical officer for a certificate. Medical officer's gone to a midwifery case. I hunts him for an hour or so. He's got hold of a babby with three heads, or summat else; and two more women a-calling out for him like blazes. 'He'll come to-morrow morning.' Now, I just axes your opinion of that there most procrastinationest go."