A great writer has remarked, that between the acting of a dreadful
thing and the first motion, all the interim is like a phantasma or a
hideous dream, and that the state of man under those circumstances, like
to a little kingdom, suffers the nature of an insurrection. Although the
step that Clytie was about to take was not of the character that Brutus
contemplated, it was sufficiently serious for the interval between
her engagement and her marriage to be a time of great mental and moral
upheaval. Her “genius and mortal instruments” had periods of fierce
council, in which the latter always obtained turbulent victory. Dreading
these inner conflicts, she shrank from introspection. When doubts began
to creep over her she shook them off, and sat down and wrote letters
to Thornton which she burned an hour or two afterwards. But it was only
when she was alone in the studio hastily finishing the orders she had
in hand, or during the few lonely evenings that she passed in her
sitting-room, that these torturing misgivings arose. When Thornton was
near she forgot that any had ever come to her. He overpowered her will
and her senses, dominated her with a caressing word, a touch of the
hand, a glance from the depths of his dark eyes. In the lucid intervals
between these periods of dizzying surrender she did not recognise
herself. It was almost as if some Morgan le Fay had cast around her a
spell of woven paces, and changed her into she knew not what, while she
saw the old Clytie fading like a dream-shape away. To women of finer
temperament marriage looms shadowy, formless, a great enchanter that
will change all things, deliver into their keeping the secrets of pain
and delight. But to Clytie it was something less and something more.
Its material responsibilities were less of a mystery to her than to most
girls of her age, owing to the peculiarities of her self-training; but
its spiritual and moral results were hidden from her in a cloud, denser,
more lurid, more extensive. She loved Hammerdyke, not indeed as she
would have loved Kent had he made one little effort to turn the wavering
friendship into love--for then passion would have been finely tempered
with tenderness, trust, and generous sympathy; but still certain chords
of her nature vibrated fully in response to the touch of the man she was
about to marry. The one might have, as it were, awakened the full organ,
but the single diapason that was pulled rang out none the less true.