The whole weight of the world's misery crushed down upon her. She awoke
to a gray world. Its glory had departed. There was nothing left to live
for, and a great despair came over her. What was the use of dragging out
this broken, colourless existence until the time,--hopelessly remote
it seemed to her, now that the blood ran again strongly through her
veins,--should come for her to die? She passed through the phase common
to all strong natures in supreme moments of weariness, when death
seemed the only solution. One little draught out of a phial, an agonised
convulsion, perhaps, and then eternal nothingness. She did not fear the
annihilation which her materialism had taught her was the end of things.
She had no eschatological sentimentality. But the full-pulsed animal's
instinctive clutching after life held her back; the fit passed off, and
she decided to live through another act of the dreary tragedy.
All feelings of tenderness, trust, common confidence in her husband,
were swept away forever. The faintest breath of the old attraction
caused her to shiver with repulsion. Henceforward they were mere
acquaintances, who subsisted from a common fund, lived under the same
roof, and performed certain conventional actions in common, for the sake
of their own relations with a society that demands a certain outward
show of harmony between husband and wife. Thornton had come to town from
Hampshire in the vilest of tempers. For a day or two he positively
hated Clytie. Then the seriousness of her illness had awakened in him a
superficial sympathy. But as soon as she was out of danger he regarded
her with cold dislike. She had abruptly terminated his pleasant holiday.
She had gravely endangered his liaison with the only woman by whom he
had been otherwise than purely sensually attracted, wherein lay an odd
fascination, and in thus compelling him to her side she had sharply
reminded him that a married man, if he wishes to keep in with the
world, must not parade himself too conspicuously as his own master. And
Thornton had his own reasons for not wishing to openly outrage society.
As soon as she was able to travel Clytie went to Durdleham, for the
first time since her marriage. The quiet, easy life soothed her for a
while. She was in that condition of hopelessness when inaction seems
the highest good. Mrs. Blather attributed her dejection to the objective
cause, and sympathised with her as one woman can with another, and
strove to cheer her; but still she privately thought this long brooding
somewhat morbid. Clytie always went to extremes. But although she
naturally was unconscious of the subtleties of dreariness in the
causation of her sister's state, she was none the less helpful with
her sympathy--and sympathy very often is all the stronger from the
narrowness of the channel in which it flows.