But there was a large though somewhat scattered society in which,
although the rarest of visitors, he had always been welcome. And now
he not only mixed assiduously in this, thereby causing many laughing
conjectures as to the reason of his social reformation, but he
volunteered occasionally to go out with Wither, whose circle of
acquaintance, like Sam Weller's knowledge of London, was extensive and
peculiar. A revolution was thus effected in Kent's habits, and to a
certain extent in his mode of thought. A new zest was given to life in
this enlargement of his horizon. And all through his love of Clytie.
The awakening of the dormant sex principle had strengthened his nature,
extended his humanity in depth and breadth. In spite of a hopeless,
passionate love Kent was still a happy man.
And now this spell of her influence was broken, or at least modified.
He had seen her, felt the softness of her voice, the kindliness of her
eyes. And he had unwittingly betrayed his secret. She knew that he loved
her. She pitied him, promised that he should see her frequently on the
basis of the old friendship. It was kind and generous, he thought, to
step down from the height of her wedded felicity to comfort him with her
friendship and sympathy. An unexpected happiness was in store for him.
Perhaps, after all, his loyalty and devotion might be of some use to
her.
But strong, loyal man as he was, this sudden meeting troubled him. If
only he had spoken at once, before the other had come upon the scene,
she might have been won to love him. The old torturing regrets came upon
him, and he tossed sleeplessly on his bed. The love which, through its
very hopelessness, had all these months given him peace and a measure
of happiness now burst forth again tumultuously. It became a miserable
farce to lie awake in the darkness. He rose, went into his sitting-room
and lit the gas. Then he sat down at his writing space, and, burying his
face in his hands, remained for some time in great pain of thought.
At last his eye fell upon some notepaper lying invitingly on his
blotting-pad. An idea struck him. He would write to her. He covered
four sides with a passionate outburst of his love, writing wildly,
unthinkingly, as men must write in moments of overpowering emotion.
Then he tore up the sheet and began afresh. The summer morning light was
streaming into the room through the curtainless window, mingling oddly
with the yellow gas, when Kent enclosed and addressed the first letter
to Clytie in which he told her of his love. He got up, stiff from his
long sitting and somewhat exhausted, and going to bed, slept the sleep
of the just until it was his usual hour for rising.
The next afternoon when Clytie returned from a drive she found the
letter awaiting her. She took it up to her room, and there, sitting
on the edge of the bed, read it with conflicting feelings. It ran as
follows:
My Dear Clytie: