[Illustration: INSIDE A PARISIAN OMNIBUS.] [Sidenote: A SHOW ADVERTISEMENT.] got that bear it wood hev bin the biggest thing in the annals of the show biznis. So I went to Berne and saw the President of the Swiss Republic. I offered him fust two hundred dollars for it, pervided he would write a certifikit on parchment and put the seal of the Republic onto it that it wuz the identical animile. Ye see, ef he hed done this I should hev put it onto the bills this way:-- That there may be no doubt in the minds of a too-oft deceived public, deceived by audacious pretenders who advertise what they know they cannot perform, that this is the identical ferocious bear that did actually kill an unfortunate British officer in the presence of his newly-made bride (he wasn't married at all, but you can't awaken no interest without the pathetic)--who was powerless to extricate him from the tenacious grasp of the ferocious brute, the most dangerous of the species, the certificate of the President of the Swiss Republic, with the broad seal of the Republic attached, will be exhibited at each and every entertainment, all reports to the contrary notwithstanding, and positively without any extra charge. This statement is made to counteract the envious and malicious reports of would-be rivals, who seek to make up by slander and misrepresentation, what they lack in enterprise and resource. [Illustration: THE SHOWMAN SHOWN THE DOOR.] I should hev hed a copy--a fac-similer--uv the certifikit printed, in two colors, and I shood hev hed the certifikit itself hung out afore the big tent, and it would hev bin wuth a heap uv money to me. "Did you succeed?" "Succeed! Why the bloated aristocrat refoozed to hev anything to say to me, and directed a servant to show me out. A pretty Republic that is, where the President won't hear a common biznis proposishen! And then I went to the Mayor uv the city, and when my proposishen wuz translated to him, he remarked that he wuzn't in the bear biznis, and he hed me showed out. I shood like to be a voter in Berne at one elecshun. But I shel hev the bear that killed the offiser jes the same. That is, I shel advertise that one uv the bears I yoose that eat the children in the Elijah act is the identikle one. I don't like to deceeve the public--I hed ruther deal strate with 'em, but I must git my expenses out uv that trip to Berne somehow, and I shel hev the President's certifikit all the same. Yes, and blast me ef I don't add the Mayor's to it to make ashoorence doubly shoor. I ain't agoin' to Berne for nothin', nor am I goin' to lose an ijee. Ijees are too skase to waste one." "Did you enjoy this trip to the land of Tell?" The sound of the word "Tell," was sufficient to tap the old gentleman once more, and he went off into a narrative that flowed smoothly as cider from a barrel. [Sidenote: DE LACY'S IDEA.]