"My liege, on my return from the Philadelphia Convention I tarried a while in Berks county, which is in Pennsylvania, and is distinguished for the unanimity with which they vote Democracy. My liege, they learned down there mor'n six weeks ago that the war wuz over, and therefore yoo coodent stir em up on drafts. Taxes they had got used to, and that didn't move em; and so the speaker wuz emptyin school-houses by talkin uv the results uv a glorious war, wich they all opposed, and praisin our mutual friend Seward, wich they had alluz hated as a Ablishnist, and hedn't heerd yet that he had jined the Demokracy. Wuz it any wonder that we went under? Ther ain't but one thing left to us, and that we strangely neglected. My liege, why wuz the NIGGER not made the central figger this year, ez before? They is the capital uv the Democrisy, its refuge, its tower of strength. I spoke in Berks county myself, following one of them new-fangled Democrats, who hed set em all asleep talkin stuff to em that they didn't understand. Mountin the rostrum, I ejaculated,-- "'MEN AND BRETHREN, DO YOO WANT TO MARRY A NIGGER?' "'No! no!' they answered, straightenin up towunst. "'Do you want niggers for sons-in-law?' "'No! no!' "'Do you want laws to prevent you from marryin niggers?' "'Yes! yes!' "'Do you want to be marched up to the polls by those who tell you how to vote, beside a nigger?' "'No! no!' "'Then vote the Demekratic ticket.' And they all replied,-- "'We will! we will!' and they did. You see, your Exslency, the Demekratic mind isn't hefty enough to comprehend them fine arguments ez to constitootinality, et setry; and when a speaker deals in em, they suspect his Dimocrisy, and fight shy uv him. But nigger they kin all understand. It's soothin to the Dimekratic mind to be continyooally told that there is somebody lower down in the skale. They desire a inferior race, and therefore hev bin pullin the nigger down toward em for years. Did yoo not notis whenever we went it on the nigger we succeeded in awakenin an enthoosiasm, wich, when we neglected him, or selected other issues, we failed to get? "It's based upon philosophical trooths. The poorer and meaner a man is, the more anxious he is to hev it understood that there's somebody still poorer and meaner than him. Hence, you notis, that them individooals who see a 5 cent peese so seldom ez to not know its nacher, and who keep the flag uv distress wavin from the seat uv their pants,--who, ef niggers wuz sellin at a cent a peese, coodent raise enough to buy the toe nail uv one,--is the most ardent friends of Slavery. "That pitiful man wich jest left the presence wuz not to blame for the result in his Deestrick. He tried to earn his bread; but wat cood he do? The Ablishnists knowd he wuz bought with a price, and laffed at him. The Democrisy, sich ez voted, we'd hev got anyhow. Them ez didn't vote, nor do nothin, wuz the upper class, wich expected the offises themselves, and wuz disgusted accordinly.