Step by step I am assendin the ladder uv fame; step by step I am climbin to a proud eminence. Three weeks ago I wuz summoned to Washinton by that eminently grate and good man, Androo Johnson, to attend a consultation ez to the proposed Western tour, wich wuz to be undertaken for the purpose uv arousin the masses uv the West to a sence uv the danger wich wuz threatnin uv em in case they persisted in centralizin the power uv the Government into the hands uv a Congress, instid uv diffusin it throughout the hands uv one man, wich is Johnson. I got there too late to take part in the first uv the discussion. When I arrove they hed everything settled cepting the appintment uv a Chaplain for the excursion. The President insisted upon my fillin that position, but Seward objected. He wanted Beecher, but Johnson wuz inflexibly agin him. "I am determined," sez he, "to carry out my policy, but I hev some bowels left. Beecher hez done enuff already, considerin the pay he got. No, no! he shel be spared this trip; indeed he shel." "Very good," said Seward; "but at least find some clergyman who endorses us without hevin P.M. to his honored name. It wood look better." "I know it wood," replied Johnson; "but where kin we find sich a one? I hev swung around the entire circle, and heven't ez yet seen him. Nasby it must be." There wuz then a lively discussion ez to the propriety, before the procession started, of removin all the Federal offis-holders on the proposed route, and appintin men who beleeved in us (Johnson, Beecher, and Me), that we might be shoor uv a sootable recepshun at each pint at wich we wuz to stop. The Annointed wuz in favor uv it. Sez he, "Them ez won't support my polisy shan't eat my bread and butter." Randall and Doolittle chimed in, for it's got to be a part of their religion to assent to whatever the President sez, but I mildly protested. I owe a duty to the party, and I am determined to do it. "Most High," sez I, "a settin hen wich is lazy makes no fuss; cut its head off, and it flops about, for a while, lively. Lincoln's office-holders are settin hens. They don't like yoo nor yoor policy, but while they are on their nests, they will keep moderitly quiet. Cut off their heads, and they will spurt their blood in your face. Ez to bein enshoord of a reception at each point, you need fear nothin. Calkerlatin moderately, there are at least twenty-five or thirty patriots who feel a call for every offis in your disposal. So long, Yoor Highnis, ez them offisis is held just where they kin see em, and they don't know wich is to git em, yoo may depend upon the entire enthoosiasm uv each, individyooally and collectively. In short, ef there's 4 offises in a town, and yoo make the appointments, yoo hev sekoored 4 supporters; till yoo make the appointments yoo hev the hundred who expect to get em." The President agreed with me that until after the trip the gullotine shood stop.