I had learned perhaps one lesson: the meaning of love. The love that
is desire alone, though sung in all romance of all the ages, is of the
brute nature and is doomed to perish. The love that pardons, endures
through wrong, contents itself in abnegation, is of the imperishable
things that draw weak man a little nearer to the angels. When Carlotta
wept upon my shoulder during those few first moments of her return I
knew that all resentment was gone from my heart, that it would have
been a poor, ignoble thing. Had she come back to me leprous of body and
abominable of spirit, it would not have mattered. I would have forgiven
her, loved her, cherished her just the same. It was a question, not
of reason, not of human pity, not of quixotism; not of any argument or
sentiment for which I could be responsible. I was helpless, obeying a
reflex action of the soul.
The days passed tranquilly. In spite of pain I felt an odd happiness. I
had nothing selfishly to hope for. Perhaps I had aged five years in one,
and I viewed life differently. It was enough for me that she had come
home, to the haven where no harm could befall her. She was my appointed
task, even as her husband was Judith’s. I recognised in myself the man
with the one talent. The deep wisdom of the parable can be taken to
inmost heart for comfort only by men of little destinies. With infinite
love and patience to mould Carlotta into a sweet, good woman, a wise
mother of the child that was to be--that was the inglorious task which
Providence had set me to accomplish. In its proportion to the aggregate
of human effort it was infinitesimal. But who shall say that it was not
worth the doing? Save writing a useless book, in what other sphere of
sublunar energy could I have been effectual? I did not thus analyse my
attitude at the time; the man who does so is a poser, a mime to his
own audience; but looking back, I think I was guided by some such
unformulated considerations.
Although my hermit mania was in itself radically cured, yet I altered
nothing in my relations with the outside world. I wrote to Judith a
brief account of what had occurred and received from her a sympathetic
answer. My reading among the Mystics and Thaumaturgists put me on the
track of Arabic. I found that Carlotta knew enough of the language to
give me elementary instruction, and thus the whirligig of time brought
in its revenge by constituting me her pupil, to our joint edification.