"She offered to marry me. I am to give her my answer to-morrow. If I
were the callous, murdering brute that everyone would have the right to
believe I am, I shouldn't have hesitated. If I hadn't been a tortured,
damned soul," he cried, bringing his great fist down on the bed, "I
shouldn't have come here to ask you what my answer can be. My whole
being is infected with horror." He rose and stood over the bed and,
with clenched hands, gesticulated to the wall in front of him. "I'm
incapable of judging. I only know that I crave her with everything in
me. I've got it in my brain that she's my soul's salvation. Is my brain
right? I don't know. I come to you--a clean, sweet man who knows
everything--I don't think there's a crime on my conscience or a
foulness in my nature which I haven't confessed to you. You can judge
straight as I can't. What answer shall I give to-morrow?"
Did ever man, in a case of conscience, have a greater responsibility?
God forgive me if I solved it wrongly. At any rate, He knows that I was
uninfluenced by mean personal considerations. All my life I have tried
to have an honourable gentleman and a Christian man. According to my
lights I saw only one clear course.
"Sit down, old man," said I. "You're a bit too big for me like that."
He felt for his chair, sat down and leaned back. "You've done almost
everything," I continued, "that a man can do in expiation of offences.
But there is one thing more that you must do in order to find peace.
You couldn't find peace if you married Betty and left her in ignorance.
You must tell Betty everything--everything that you have told me.
Otherwise you would still be hag-ridden. If she learned the horror of
the thing afterwards, what would be your position? Acquit your
conscience now before God and a splendid woman, and I stake my faith in
each that neither will fail you."
After a few minutes, during which the man's face was like a mask, he
said:
"That's what I wanted to know. That's what I wanted to be sure of. Do
you mind ringing your bell for Marigold to take me away? I've kept you
up abominably." He rose and held out his hand and I had to direct him
how it could reach mine. When it did, he gripped it firmly.
"It's impossible," said he, "for you to realise what you've done for me
to-night. You've made my way absolutely clear to me--for the first time
for two years. You're the truest comrade I've ever had, Meredyth. God
bless you."
Marigold appeared, answering my summons, and led Boyce away. Presently
he returned.
"Do you know what time it is, sir?" he asked serenely.
"No," said I.
"It's half-past one."
He busied himself with my arrangements for the night, and administered
what I learned afterwards was a double dose of a sleeping draught which
Cliffe had prescribed for special occasions. I just remember surprise
at feeling so drowsy after the intense excitement of the evening, and
then I fell asleep.