She was to be married in three days. He set the fact as a block to
further investigation of the mystery. On this side his loyalty
suffered no taint; their relations had but received, in some sense,
sanctification. Beyond the barrier lay shame and dishonour. The two were
to be married; therefore they loved. He disciplined a disordered mind
with a logic of his own invention. It was a logic that entirely begged
the question. Remembered words of Norma, “Do you think much love has
come my way? Yours are the only lips I have ever heard speak of it,”
fell outside his premises. They clamoured for explanation. So did the
rich tremor of her voice. So did the lamentable lack of conviction in
his reply. To these things he closed his intelligence. They belonged to
the interpretation that staggered reason, that threatened to turn his
fundamental conceptions into chaos. And past incidents came before him.
During those last days in Wiltshire he had seen that her life lacked
completion. That memory, too, disturbed his discipline. Fanatically he
practised it, proving to himself that ice was hot and that the sun shone
at midnight. She was happy in her love for Morland. She was happy
in Morland's love for her. She had not identified with herself the
imaginary woman of his adoration. She had not drunk in the outpouring
of his passion. Her breath had not fallen warm upon his cheek. And
the quickening of a wonderful birth had no reference to emotions and
cravings quite different, intangible, inexpressible, existent in a
far-away spirit land.
He was strangely silent during their homeward journey in the omnibus and
the simple evening meal, and Aline, sensitive to his mood, choked down
the eager questions that rose to her lips. It was only after supper in
the studio, when she lit the spill for Jimmie's pipe--her economical
soul deprecating waste in matches--that she ventured to say softly:
“I am afraid you'll miss the picture, Jimmie dear.”
He waited until the pipe was alight, and breathed out a puff of smoke
with a sigh.
“Our happiness is made up of the things we miss,” he said.
“That's a paradox, and I don't believe it,” said Aline.
“Everything in life is a paradox,” he remarked, thinking of his logic.
He relapsed into his perplexed silence. Aline settled herself in her
usual chair with her workbasket and her eternal sewing. This evening she
was recuffing his shirts. Presently she held up a cuff.
“See. I'm determined to make you smart and fashionable. I don't care
what you say. These are square.”
“Are n't you putting a round man into a square cuff, my dear?” he asked.
She laughed. “Why should you be round? You are smart and rectangular.
When you're tidied up--don't you know you are exceedingly good-looking,
almost military?”