A Maid and a Million Men: the candid confessions of Leona Canwick, censored indiscreetly by James G. Dunton
John Stuart Mill · en
“Parley-vous Anglais?” inquired Ben.
“Une petite peu.”
“Huh?”
No answer.
“I said ‘Comment?’” insisted Ben.
She turned to him then and said, while she looked at me, “I said I speak
Anglaish juste a little.”
“Now, ain’t that grand!” exclaimed Ben, expanding with relief. The
mademoiselle smiled at him. “What’s on yer mind? Whatta ya got on fer
to-night, this evening, this afternoon, right now?” he inquired, leaning
on one foot very nonchalantly—about as nonchalantly as a cow would look
leaning on one foot.
“Me? For you?” The mademoiselle laughed. “Ou la la!”
Ben laughed, too, but retorted, “Sure! Who’d you think I’m tryin’ to fix
up—General Pershing?”
“Ou la la!” she exclaimed. “You want to keel me?”
Ben was getting uneasy. In an aside to me he said something about a
horse collar and then returned to the attack with a forceful “Ferget it!
Don’t make me burst into hysterics laughin’. What’s the dope? How about
it?”
“O non, non, non,” she told him sweetly. “C’est impossible! Such a beeg
strong man! Ou la la ... non, non!... But your frien’, is he int’rest?”
“Naw, he don’t like women—he’s a cherry tree,” says my sidekicker
deprecatingly.
“Nevaire wis a woman? Nevaire?... Ou la la!” She stared at me as if I
were some kind of a strange animal that she had heard stories about but
had never seen. “Oh—I sink he ees grand.... I like heem trés bon.”
“He won’t go,” declared Ben, beginning to get insulted. “Ferget it now!
Don’t be annoyin’ my friend. What about me?”
“Nevaire ... nevaire ...” she told him. “But I have zis frien’ ... she
will like you.”
“Where is she?” demanded Ben. “Is she as good lookin’ as you?”
“Yes ... trés chic.... But your frien’?”
“Whatta ya say, Leony? This looks pretty good to me.”
“Nothing doing here,” I replied with a laugh.
“Aw, come on an’ oblige the young lady, won’t ya?” he pleaded.
I wished then that I had left when this intercourse began, but it was
too late now. “No,” I repeated. “I don’t want to go, Ben. Can’t spare
the money now anyway.”
“Aw, maybe they won’t want anything but a coupla drinks o’ vin rouge,”
he argued. Then he turned to her. “Combien?”
“Oo ... vingt-cinq francs ... fine, yes?”
Ben exploded. “Twenty-five francs! Fine, hell! Say, do ya think we look
like generals?”
I thought this was my way out, so I joined in the protest. “We haven’t
seen that many francs for a month. You’re too high-priced for us,
mam’selle.”
But the mademoiselle had allowed for a possible reduction and
immediately disclosed that fact when she faced me to say, “Well, for you
may-be, I make special price. Ten francs?”
“No—no—and again no!” I told her. “It’s not worth that much to me. I
wouldn’t give ten francs for the best woman in the world!” I thought
this was a pretty convincing bit of hard-boiledness.
“No?” she expressed her disbelief, and looked almost hungrily into my
eyes. “Ah, but you do not know!... It ees worth plenty more than
that!... You see ... you do not like, I geeve you ten francs, yes?”