But I was no lady just now and having a baby under the circumstances would have been nothing short of burlesque. Just imagine the headlines in The Stars and Stripes, the newspaper of the A.E.F.: A.E.F. SERGEANT MAJOR A MOTHER HE GIVES BIRTH TO 10-LB. BOY Mother and Child Doing Well Phenomenon complete surprise to even closest friends. General Pershing sends congratulations, but says he does not believe report. Sergeant-mother says boy’s father a secret-service worker. No one can deny it. Authorities promise thorough investigation. Very Special Delivery blamed on stork. General Harbord wonders if Sergeant can produce pigeon from silk handkerchief. Adjutant General threatens court martial of Sergeant for conduct unbecoming a noncommissioned officer.... Scandal spreads. Certain ominously rotund general officers under suspicion.... General Staff considering the issuance of manual on Care and Feeding of Infants as part of regular equipment.... France offers bounty for children regardless of their source. Doughboys say they can meet the demand. Bull market expected.... It wouldn’t sound nice at all, and I’d not only get into trouble with the army authorities, but I’d also be kidded to death about the matter.... Of course I hadn’t had any experience, but I was willing to bet that I wouldn’t go very long without starting something; and I was content to believe that I’d started enough already, without starting any babies! Which just goes to show that there is a bright side to everything. I was turning into a regular pollyanna: getting so I could always find something to be thankful for. And as an expression of my appreciation of his unwitting efforts to save me from an embarrassing fate, I bought Ben a couple of good solid drinks at our next stop. No one could call me an ingrate! CHAPTER 19 THE COST OF CURIOSITY —1— In order to set down in proper order the incidents which we experienced between the night of October 31, and November 4 up at the Front, I have tried to reconstruct, from the memory of what others have told me as well as what I felt and saw and heard myself, the terrible experience through which we had come. Some of the scenes I did not witness myself, but I feel now, years later, that I know exactly what happened and what each man said at the time. Just thinking of it makes me want to cry.