A Maid and a Million Men: the candid confessions of Leona Canwick, censored indiscreetly by James G. Dunton
John Stuart Mill · en
Besides all these advantages, this place had two showers—and private
ones at that. I mean, with doors that latch and everything! Ideal!
So this day I waltzed in with a towel and soap tucked under my blouse.
There was a Captain in there at the time, so I made believe I had come
for another purpose and beat a hasty retreat.
A little later, I tried again and, not seeing anyone around, concluded
that the time was ripe. So I started to undress. You see, there’s no
place to undress—I mean, no privacy. And I was just about to pull my
blouse off when in comes Chilblaines. Well, I about fell over, because
he was the one man on this ship whom I hoped never to meet in that
bathroom.
I saluted him and began to button up my blouse, as if I had just been
washing my face or something. He looked at me a moment after returning
the salute, then stepped into one of the boxes and snapped the latch. I
tucked my towel away again and departed.
About an hour later I got away from the General again and made a third
attempt. This time I determined to take no chances. I locked myself in
the shower and stripped for action.
Then I couldn’t decide what to do with my clothes. If I left them
inside, they’d get all wet. If I put them outside, it would arouse
suspicion, because the officers who use these showers leave their
clothes in their staterooms and come down in slickers or overcoats.
Finally I decided that the only place my clothes could go was up on top
of the pipes at the back of the box, and there I put them. I didn’t know
for sure whether anyone outside could see them there or not, but I
couldn’t waste time trying to find out. I just turned on that wonderful
warm water and proceeded to revel in its downpour.
Just as I got myself nicely lathered up, someone rattles the door and
gives me the scare of my young life. A gruff old voice says, “Who’s
there?” And I looked through the crack under the door and saw two
enormous bare feet.
What in the devil was I supposed to do? Let him come in and share the
bath?
The feet padded around into the next box and I expected any moment to
see a head stick up over the partition. But instead I heard him swear at
something and then he said, “How long will you be in there?”
I had to say something, so I dropped my voice to as low a pitch as I
could manage and still make my words carry. “About ten minutes—” I
almost said “sir” from force of habit.
“This other shower’s out of order,” he grumbled and padded away.
I continued my bath. Rinsed thoroughly. Lathered all over again. Rinsed
again. Turned off the water and made a hurry job of drying myself.
Believe me, I could pass a fireman’s dressing test after getting into my
clothes as fast as I did this afternoon. I was proud of myself.
And I was clean! Thank God I was pure again, within and without—and
another difficulty had been surmounted, with credit and satisfaction.