Miriam looked out of the cab window, hardly hearing Julia’s next remark.
The drab brick walls of King’s Cross station were coming towards them.
When they had got themselves and Julia’s luggage out of the cab and into
the train for Banbury Park she was still pondering uneasily over her own
dislike of appearing as a successful teacher. This stranger saw her only
as a teacher. That was what she had become. If she was really a teacher
now, just that in life, it meant that she must decide at once whether
she really meant to teach always. Everyone now would think of her as a
teacher; as someone who was never going to do anything else, when really
she had not even begun to think about doing any of the things that
professional teachers had to do. She was not qualifying herself for
examinations in her spare time as her predecessor had done. Supposing
she did. This girl Julia would certainly expect her to be doing so. What
then? If she were to work very hard and also develop her character, when
she was fifty she would be like Miss Cramp; good enough to be a special
visiting teacher, giving just a few lectures a week at several schools,
talking in a sad voice, feeling ill and sad, having a yellow face and
faded hair and not enough saved to live on when she was too old to work.
Prospect, said the noisy train. That was it, there was no prospect in
it. There was no prospect in teaching. What was there a prospect in,
going along in this North London train with this girl who took her at
her word?
She turned eagerly to Julia who was saying something and laughing
unconcernedly as she said it. “If you’d like to know what it is I’ve
come over for I’ll tell you at once. I’ve come over to learn Chopang’s
Funeral March. It’s all I think about. When I can play Chopang’s Funeral
March I’ll not call the Queen me aunt.”
3
“Well, my dear child, I’m sure I wish I could arrange your life for ye,”
said Miss Haddie that evening. She was sitting on the edge of the
schoolroom table, having come in at ten o’clock to turn out the gas and
found Miriam sitting unoccupied. The room was cold and close with the
long-burning gas, and Miriam had turned upon her with a scornful half
laugh when she had playfully exclaimed at finding her there so late.
Miss Haddie was obviously still a little excited. She had presided at
schoolroom tea and Julia had filled the room with Dublin--the bay, the
streets, the jarveys and their outside cars, her journey, the channel
boat, her surprise at England.
“Eh, what’s the matter, Miriam, my dear?” For some time Miriam had
parried her questions, fiercely demanding that her mood should be
understood without a clue. Presently they had slid into an irritated
discussion of the respective values of sleep before and sleep after
midnight, in the midst of which Miriam had said savagely, “I wish to
goodness I knew what to do about things.”