Camilla; or, A Picture of Youth — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Camilla; or, A Picture of Youth
John Stuart Mill · en
'No, not for the universe!' she answered, opening the door; and then,
more gently, yet not less steadfastly, looking at her, 'I know,' she
continued, 'you are all very good; I know all was meant for the best; I
know I must be a monster not to love you for the very error to which I
am a victim.--I forgive you therefore all! and I blush to have felt
angry.--But yet--at the age of fifteen--at the instant of entering into
the world--at the approach of forming a connection which--O Camilla!
what a time, what a period, to discover--to know--that I cannot even be
seen without being derided and offended!'
Her voice here faltered, and, running to the window curtain, she
entwined herself in its folds, and called out: 'O hide me! hide me! from
every human eye, from every thing that lives and breathes! Pursue me,
persecute me no longer, but suffer me to abide by myself, till my
fortitude is better strengthened to meet my destiny!'
The least impatience from Eugenia was too rare to be opposed; and
Camilla, who, in common with all her family, notwithstanding her extreme
youth, respected as much as she loved her, sought only to appease her by
promising compliance. She gave to her, therefore, an unresisted, though
unreturned embrace, and went to the dining-parlour.
Sir Hugh was much disappointed to see her without her sister; but she
evaded any account of her commission till the meal was over, and then
begged to speak with him alone.
Gently and gradually she disclosed the source of the sadness of Eugenia:
but Sir Hugh heard it with a dismay that almost overwhelmed him. All his
contrition for the evils of which, unhappily, he had been the cause,
returned with severest force, and far from opposing her scheme of
retreat, he empowered Camilla to offer her any residence she chose; and
to tell her he would keep out of her sight, as the cause of all her
misfortunes; or give her the immediate possession and disposal of his
whole estate, if that would make her better amends than to wait till his
death.
This message was no sooner delivered to Eugenia, than losing at once
every angry impression, she hastened down stairs, and casting herself at
the knees of her Uncle, begged him to pardon her design, and promised
never to leave him while she lived.
Sir Hugh, most affectionately embracing her, said--'You are too good, my
dear, a great deal too good, to one who has used you so ill, at the very
time when you were too young to help yourself. I have not a word to
offer in my own behalf; except to hope you will forgive me, for the sake
of its being all done out of pure ignorance.'
'Alas, my dearest Uncle! all I owe to your intentions, is the deepest
gratitude; and it is your's from the bottom of my heart. Chance alone
was my enemy; and all I have to regret is, that no one was sincere
enough, kind enough, considerate enough, to instruct me of the extent of
my misfortunes, and prepare me for the attacks to which I am liable.'