Camilla; or, A Picture of Youth — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Camilla; or, A Picture of Youth
John Stuart Mill · en
With indefatigable pains he had devoted the day to the search of
information concerning the Major. Of Mrs. Arlbery he had learned, that
he was a man of fashion, but small fortune; and from the Ensign he had
gathered, that even that small fortune was gone, and that the estate in
which it was vested, had been mortgaged for three thousand pounds, to
pay certain debts of honour.
Edgar had already been to the Parsonage House, but hearing Camilla was
at Cleves, had made a short visit, and determined to walk his horse upon
the road till he met the carriage of Sir Hugh; believing he could have
no better opportunity of seeing her alone.
Yet when the coach, upon his riding up to the door, stopt, he found
himself in an embarrassment for which he was unprepared. He asked how
she did; desired news of the health of all the family one by one; and
then, struck by the coldness of her answers, suffered the carriage to
drive on.
Confounded at so sudden a loss of all presence of mind, he continued,
for a minute or two, just where she left him; and then galloped after
the coach, and again presented himself at its window.
In a voice and manner the most hurried, he apologised for this second
detention. 'But, I believe,' he said, 'some genius of officiousness has
to-day taken possession of me, for I began it upon a Quixote sort of
enterprise, and a spirit of knight-errantry seems willing to accompany
me through it to the end.'
He stopt; but she did not speak. Her first sensation at his sight had
been wholly indignant: but when she found he had something to say which
he knew not how to pronounce, her curiosity was awakened, and she looked
earnest for an explanation.
'I know,' he resumed, with considerable hesitation, 'that to give advice
and to give pain is commonly the same thing:--I do not, therefore,
mean--I have no intention--though so lately you allowed me a privilege
never to be forgotten'--
He could not get on; and his embarrassment, and this recollection, soon
robbed Camilla of every angry emotion. She looked down, but her
countenance was full of sensibility, and Edgar, recovering his voice,
proceeded--
'My Quixotism, I was going to say, of this morning, though for a person
of whom I know almost nothing, would urge me to every possible
effort--were I certain the result would give pleasure to the person for
whom alone--since with regard to himself,--I--it is merely----'
Involved in expressions he knew not how to clear or to finish, he was
again without breath: and Camilla, raising her eyes, looked at him with
astonishment.
Endeavouring then to laugh, 'One would think,' cried he, 'this same
Quixotism had taken possession of my intellects, and rendered them as
confused as if, instead of an agent, I were a principal.'--