Camilla; or, A Picture of Youth — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Camilla; or, A Picture of Youth
John Stuart Mill · en
'I see, Sir,' cried she, a little moved, 'the kindness of your
intention; but pardon me if I anticipate to you its ill success. I have
thought too much upon my situation and my destiny to admit any
fallacious comfort. Can you, indeed, when once her eyes are opened, can
you expect to reconcile to existence a poor young creature who sees
herself an object of derision and disgust? Who, without committing any
crime, without offending any human being, finds she cannot appear but to
be pointed at, scoffed and insulted!'
'O my child! with what a picture do you wound my heart, and tear your
own peace and happiness! Wretches who in such a light can view outward
deficiencies cannot merit a thought, are below even contempt, and ought
not to be disdained, but forgotten. Make a conquest, then, my Eugenia,
of yourself; be as superior in your feelings as in your understanding,
and remember what Addison admirably says in one of the Spectators: 'A
too acute sensibility of personal defects, is one of the greatest
weaknesses of self-love.'
'I should be sorry, Sir, you should attribute to vanity what I now
suffer. No! it is simply the effect of never hearing, never knowing,
that so severe a call was to be made upon my fortitude, and therefore
never arming myself to sustain it.'
Then, suddenly, and with great emotion clasping her hands: 'O if ever I
have a family of my own,' she cried, 'my first care shall be to tell my
daughters of all their infirmities! They shall be familiar, from their
childhood, to their every defect--Ah! they must be odious indeed if they
resemble their poor mother!'
'My dearest Eugenia! let them but resemble you mentally, and there is no
person, whose approbation is worth deserving, that will not love and
respect them. Good and evil are much more equally divided in this world
than you are yet aware: none possess the first without alloy, nor the
second without palliation. Indiana, for example, now in the full bloom
of all that beauty can bestow, tell me, and ask yourself strictly, would
you change with Indiana?'
'With Indiana?' she exclaimed; 'O! I would forfeit every other good to
change with Indiana! Indiana, who never appears but to be admired, who
never speaks but to be applauded.'
'Yet a little, yet a moment, question, and understand yourself before
you settle you would change with her. Look forward, and look inward.
Look forward, that you may view the short life of admiration and
applause for such attractions from others, and their inutility to their
possessor in every moment of solitude or repose; and look inward, that
you may learn to value your own peculiar riches, for times of
retirement, and for days of infirmity and age!'