weaving romances in their efforts to get back, the men betraying their
delight in their hidden opportunities of escape by the animation behind
the voice and manners they assumed for the fixed calculable periods of
forced association; ready to distract attention from themselves and
their hidden treasures by public argument, if accident should bring it
about, over anything and everything.
At least she saw. But what was the _use_ of not being deceived? How in
the vast spread of humanity expose the sham? How escape, without
surrendering life itself, treacherous countenancing of the fiendish
spectacle? What good would death do? What did “Eine fur Viele” do?
Brought home the truth to one man, who probably after the first shock,
soon came to the conclusion that she had been mad.
She talked through lunch to the Brooms with such an intensity of
animation that when at last the confrontation was at an end and the
afternoon begun in the shelter of the dim little drawing-room, she found
Grace and Florrie grouped closely about her, wrapped and eager for more.
She turned, at bay, explaining in shaken unmeditated words that the
afternoon must be spent by her in thinking out a frightful problem, and
relapsed, averted swiftly from their sensitive faces, suddenly pale
about eyes that reflected her distress, towards the open door of the
little greenhouse leading miserably into the stricken garden. They
remained motionless in the chairs they had drawn close to the little
settee where she sat enthroned, clearly prepared so to sit in silent
sympathy while she gazed at her problem in the garden. She sat tense,
but with their eyes upon her she could not summon directly the items of
her theme. They appeared transformed in words, a statement of the case
that might be made to them, ‘anyone’s’ statement of the case, beginning
with “after all”; and leaving everything unstated. Applied to her own
experience they seemed to have no meaning at all. Summaries were no
good. Actual experience must be brought home to make anything worth
communicating. “When he first kissed me” started her mind “those women
were all about him. They have come between us forever.” She flushed
towards the garden. The mere presence in her mind of such vileness was
an outrage on the Broom atmosphere. She could not again face the girls.
For some time she sat, driving from point to point in the garden the
inexorable fact that she had reached a barrier she could not break down.
She could, if she were alone, face the possibility of dashing her life
out against it. If she were to turn back from it, she would be rent in
twain, and how then, base and deformed could she find spirit to face
anyone at all? At last, still with her eyes on the garden, she told
them, she must go and think in the open air. They cherished and indulged
her in their unaltered way and she escaped, exempted from coming back to
tea.