Deadlock : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 6 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Deadlock : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 6
John Stuart Mill · en
“If you look then, you will be dazzled by my radiance.” Miriam stood
listening in astonishment to the echoes of the phrase, fashioned from
nothing upon her lips by something within her, unknown, wildly to be
welcomed if its power of using words that left her not merely untouched
and unspent, but taut and invigorated, should prove to be reliable. She
watched the words go forward outside her with a life of their own,
palpable, a golden thread between herself and the world, the first
strand of a bright pattern she and Gerald would weave from their
separate engrossments whenever their lives should cross. Through
Gerald’s bantering acknowledgement she gazed out before her into the
future, an endless perspective of blissful unbroken silence, shielded by
the gift of speech ...... The figure of Eve, sitting averted towards the
fire, flung her back. To Eve her words were not silence; but a blow
deliberately struck. With a thrill of sadness she recognised the
creative power of anger. If she had not been angry with Eve she would
have wondered whether Gerald were secretly amused by her continued
interest in blouses, and have fallen stupidly dumb before the need of
explaining, as her mind now rapidly proceeded to do, cancelling her
sally as a base foreign achievement, that her interest was only a
passing part of holiday relaxation, to be obliterated to-morrow by the
renewal of a life that held everything he thought she was missing, in a
way and with a quality new and rich beyond anything he could dream, and
contemplating these things, would have silently left him with his
judgment confirmed. She had moved before Gerald, safely ensphered in the
life of words, and in the same movement was departing now, on the wings
of Harriett’s rush, a fiend denying her kindred.
Running upstairs she reflected that if the finished blouse suited her it
was upon Eve that it would most powerfully cast its spell. The shoulders
had been good. Defects in the other parts could not spoil them, and the
squareness of her shoulders was an odd thing for which she was not
responsible. Eve only admired them because hers sloped. She would come
down again as the gay buffoon Eve used to know, letting the effect of
the blouse be incidental, making to-day to-day, shaking them all out of
the contemplation of circumstances. She would give some of her old
speeches and musical sketches, if she could manage to begin when Gerald
was not there, and Eve would laugh till she cried. No one would guess
that she was buoyed up by her own invisible circumstances, forgotten as
she browsed amongst new impressions, and now returning upon her moment
by moment with accumulated force. But upstairs, confronted by Harriett
in the summerlit seaside sunshine, she found the past half-hour between
them, pressing for comment, and they danced silently confronting each
other, dancing and dancing till they had said their say.