986. The witty Lord Ross, having spent all his money in London, set out for Ireland, in order to recruit his purse. On his way, he happened to meet with Sir Murrough O’Brien, driving towards Dublin in a lofty phaeton with six prime dun-coloured horses. Sir Murrough, exclaimed his lordship, what a contrast there is between you and me! you are driving your duns before you, but my duns are driving me before them. 987. The high-bailiff of Birmingham, attended by some officers of the town, goes round on a market-day to examine the weight of the butter, and they seize all which is found short of sixteen ounces. A countryman, who generally stood in a particular place, having on a former market-day lost two pounds of butter, was seen, the next time they came round, to laugh heartily, while the officers were taking a considerable quantity from a woman who stood near him. One of the officers, not pleased with the fellow’s want of decorum, particularly in the presence of men vested with such high authority, said, What do you mean by laughing, fellow? I took two pounds from you last week. I’ll lay you a guinea of it, said the countryman. Done, replied the officer; and immediately put a guinea into the hands of a respectable tradesman, who was standing at his own door. The countryman instantly covered it; and then, with a triumphant grin, said, Well done, thickhead, if it had been two pounds would you have taken it from me? Was it not for being short of weight that I lost it? The umpire without hesitation decided it in his favour, to the great mortification of the humble administrator of justice. 988. An Irishman, some years ago, attending the University of Edinburgh, waited upon one of the most celebrated teachers of the German flute, desiring to know on what terms he would give him a few lessons: the flute-player informed him, that he generally charged two guineas for the first month, and one guinea for the second. Then, by my soul, replied the Hibernian, I’ll begin the second month! 989. Foote being at table next to a gentleman who had helped himself to a very large piece of bread; he took it up and cut a piece off. Sir, said the gentleman, that is my bread. I beg a thousand pardons, sir, said Foote, I protest I took it for the loaf.